For fuck’s sake, Carson, so sorry I’m late. So many Starbucks and Juan, my building super, was pissed because I threw my empty 2% milk carton in the trash. Apparently, empty 2% milk cartons are not trash; they are recyclables. Well, I say, “Good for Juan!” Thank you, Juan, for educating my dumb ass. (Checking her iPhone as she speaks) Why can’t I see this screen? (Takes off shades and speaks into iPhone) Siri, text Juan: “I’m sorry.” Siri? For fuck’s sake, Siri is almost dead. Where’s a fucking plug? Hold on, Siri!
(Goes under table) Found it. Thank the Lord – I brought my charger. (Coming out from under the table) Crises averted. I’m always averting crises. Oh, yeah. When I first moved here, it was quite the transition. You know, in the south when a car drives by, you wave even if you don’t know the person driving…..
This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.
- Written by: Bobby Holder