Monologues

VASELINE IS NOT LUBE

$0.99

FEMALE
COMEDIC
2min
20-50
YEARS OLD

I’m so tired of this, Harry! You (quote fingers) “can’t believe I didn’t get you off?” REALLY? Well, let’s see. Maybe I wasn’t all that into sucking your toes. I mean, seriously, if you’re going to ask for that get a pedicure…at least. And I’m not thrilled with being asked ten times, every time we’re naked, if I’m impressed with “Thor the War Hammer,” especially given that Thor so rarely goes to battle. I mean, the sexual obstacle course I have to endure in the slim hope of having intercourse is one an Olympic athlete would find exhausting. Unless I grease Thor relentlessly for twenty minutes with fistfuls of Vaseline and tolerate your attempts to put that nasty petroleum entombed thing in my mouth, it’s hopeless. And truthfully, I gag at the thought of putting it anywhere.  Let’s get real here, man…

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Jessie McLaren

Description

I’m so tired of this, Harry! You (quote fingers) “can’t believe I didn’t get you off?” REALLY? Well, let’s see. Maybe I wasn’t all that into sucking your toes. I mean, seriously, if you’re going to ask for that get a pedicure…at least. And I’m not thrilled with being asked ten times, every time we’re naked, if I’m impressed with “Thor the War Hammer,” especially given that Thor so rarely goes to battle. I mean, the sexual obstacle course I have to endure in the slim hope of having intercourse is one an Olympic athlete would find exhausting. Unless I grease Thor relentlessly for twenty minutes with fistfuls of Vaseline and tolerate your attempts to put that nasty petroleum entombed thing in my mouth, it’s hopeless. And truthfully, I gag at the thought of putting it anywhere.  Let’s get real here, man…

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Jessie McLaren