Monologues

PITZ & JOE

$0.99

MALE
COMEDIC

30-45
YEARS OLD

JOE: All right, you’re on. If mine is better, you have to go out and get lemon meringue pies and cigarettes. Mom and Dad were having this dinner party and, Pitz, I’m so cold.
…and I was sitting at the top of the stairs, you know looking through the railings and there in the hallway, this very elaborate table with desserts on it. There was this one dish that looked like white mounds that peaked into little beige points, like a pair of tits to me. Maybe that was the attraction. Anyway I knew I’d… don’t cheat… I’d have to have whatever it was. So I waited until I could make my move. I hung onto the railings so that I wouldn’t fall asleep. I kept counting the little beige points on the pie. My moment finally came. Everyone went into the dining room to eat. All I had to do was negotiate the stairs. Do you know where all the loose boards are in the stairs? I slowly stood up, put one hand on the wall and the other on the banister. First two steps, lean to the right, third, an inch from the center, then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, the bottom…..

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Dominique Cieri

Description

JOE: All right, you’re on. If mine is better, you have to go out and get lemon meringue pies and cigarettes. Mom and Dad were having this dinner party and, Pitz, I’m so cold.
…and I was sitting at the top of the stairs, you know looking through the railings and there in the hallway, this very elaborate table with desserts on it. There was this one dish that looked like white mounds that peaked into little beige points, like a pair of tits to me. Maybe that was the attraction. Anyway I knew I’d… don’t cheat… I’d have to have whatever it was. So I waited until I could make my move. I hung onto the railings so that I wouldn’t fall asleep. I kept counting the little beige points on the pie. My moment finally came. Everyone went into the dining room to eat. All I had to do was negotiate the stairs. Do you know where all the loose boards are in the stairs? I slowly stood up, put one hand on the wall and the other on the banister. First two steps, lean to the right, third, an inch from the center, then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, the bottom…..

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Dominique Cieri