Okay. So. When I sleep with Dennis at night, he makes this absolutely horrendously inexplicably God-awful snoring sound. Only it’s, like, worse than snoring. It’s like. It’s like: (She imitates the sound.) And I recently I started having… nightmares. Vivid, detailed nightmares. And I sometimes wonder, “Am I going to do in life what I’m doing in these nightmares?” They always start with Dennis coming home from work. He asks me what’s for dinner and I want to say, “Whatever you’re making us, asshole,” but instead, I say, “Meatloaf Monday, dear!” And he sits down at the dinner table and starts reading the New York Post, only this is no regular New York Post. It’s some demon New York Post and every time its pages are turned, it makes Dennis’s just-fucking-kill-me-now snoring noise…..
This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.
- Written by: Brett Epstein