(To self) Shall I paint, take a shower, thumb wrestle myself…? Maybe I should scoop the rotting dog turds from the yard. It would just seem so much more satisfying if I actually owned a dog. Gotta love those neighbors for deciding that leashes are a form of animal abuse. I could get a dog in retaliation. I’m too boring to even be a sad Lifetime movie. Gotta add more “Jerry Springer is a contestant on Maury Povich” to my life first. I could send another resume for a job described as fascinating and rewarding, but is really just another underpaid, middle management position, in which I’d acquire repetitive stress disorder, scratching my butt and posing like a busy person. Perhaps I should take a position where I’m contributing to the greater good, aka: smile while being paid poorly to endure circumstances that constantly remind me how horrifying my fellow man is, and makes me wonder if God is laughing at me for assuming I could help…..
This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.
- Written by: Jessie McLaren