Monologues

HEAD COLD

$0.99

FEMALE
COMEDIC

19-50
YEARS OLD

My head feels like it’s going to explode and my teeth are aching so badly, I’m considering getting a pair of pliers and yanking them out one at a time. With my luck they’d probably chip and I’d have to have root canals or something. Of course I can’t sleep because of my running nose, so I have to stuff tissues inside my nostrils in order to have any peace. No wonder I can’t get a man in my bed. I look like a bloody walrus. I took a Theraflu two nights ago. You know – the one you mix up with hot water and it feels like your mother’s made chicken soup. But it made me so stoned I couldn’t even dream, except to dream I was stoned and then I woke the next day stoned and exhausted, but that didn’t stop my damn teeth from aching again, so I broke out the Sudafed, which actually kind of worked for a few hours. Just long enough to trick me into thinking I was getting better and by then it was bedtime and I was thinking about punching myself in the jaw in hopes of knocking out a couple of teeth. The problem is, Sudafed causes “mild stimulation,” which in my world means, “Guaranteed to make you toss and turn for many restless hours.” But I had little choice…..

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Joyce Storey

Description

My head feels like it’s going to explode and my teeth are aching so badly, I’m considering getting a pair of pliers and yanking them out one at a time. With my luck they’d probably chip and I’d have to have root canals or something. Of course I can’t sleep because of my running nose, so I have to stuff tissues inside my nostrils in order to have any peace. No wonder I can’t get a man in my bed. I look like a bloody walrus. I took a Theraflu two nights ago. You know – the one you mix up with hot water and it feels like your mother’s made chicken soup. But it made me so stoned I couldn’t even dream, except to dream I was stoned and then I woke the next day stoned and exhausted, but that didn’t stop my damn teeth from aching again, so I broke out the Sudafed, which actually kind of worked for a few hours. Just long enough to trick me into thinking I was getting better and by then it was bedtime and I was thinking about punching myself in the jaw in hopes of knocking out a couple of teeth. The problem is, Sudafed causes “mild stimulation,” which in my world means, “Guaranteed to make you toss and turn for many restless hours.” But I had little choice…..

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Joyce Storey