Look I like you, ok I really like you. It’s not you, it’s actually me, well actually it’s my family. Look meeting the family is a big step and clearly I don’t want to put you through that kind of torture, especially not this early in the relationship. (Beat) They’re not that bad. OK they’re pretty bad, but I’m just looking out for you. (Beat) You really want to know? Ok where to start? All right, there’s my grandma the boozer, she gets drunk the second the clock strikes 8…in the morning. She always says “It’s happy hour somewhere in the world” Not to mention the fact that she sometimes walks around naked chasing imaginary chickens screaming “HERE CHICKEY CHICKEY, have some vodka” It’s pretty scary…It’s part of the reason I’m a vegetarian. My mother is currently going through some hormonal phase where she cries at pretty much everything. I came home the other day and told her I needed to borrow her evening bag for an event, and she started bawling and yelling at me that I was leaving her…..
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- Written by: Amanda B. Goodman