I swear it’s not you…It’s me. I really didn’t mind all of your weird little quirks…It was cute, almost. So really, it’s not you, it’s me. I am completely the reason why I am packing my bags. (Beat) It has nothing to do with your toenail clippings! I would never be that shallow, David. Come on. Break up over toenails? There were so many other things that were way more disgusting and worth breaking up over. Like your weird appetite for chilled pickle juice, for instance. What is up with that? I know people like pickles but it’s not exactly an aphrodisiac. You know what, David? Honestly, pickle juice is really just the tip if the iceberg but I’m not going to go there. (Beat) But since you mentioned it,…..
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- Written by: Alisa Murray