Monologues

AND A DEAD PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE

$0.99

FEMALE
COMEDIC
2min
19-25
YEARS OLD

This girl stalks my whole life. I’m not trying to quote Pauly D from The Jersey Shore when I say that, because literally, this psycho bitch stalks my entire freakin’ life! I need help. SHE needs help but until she’s in the care of the proper authorities, I’m just going to have to be the sane one here and find a way to get her out of my realm. I’m not being erratic here, I swear! I’m pretty sure she’s a cooked rabbit, a screwed boyfriend, one haircut and a few dead partridges in a pear tree away from pulling an Annie Wilkes on me and hobbling me in my own bed. This chick is scary. At first I just thought she was just a little overly-energetic. And that’s cool, I can handle intense enthusiasm. Although that day when she was late to class and whispered to me that it was because she was constipated and finally had to stop and take a mundo-crap was, well, a little more than what I’d called enthusiastic. But TMI aside, things were worsening. The constant texts and showing up at my door at 7am were putting her in the coo coo crazy train direction. I don’t even tell my therapist every little detail about my life the way this girl grills me and I pay her…..

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Amanda B. Goodman

Description

This girl stalks my whole life. I’m not trying to quote Pauly D from The Jersey Shore when I say that, because literally, this psycho bitch stalks my entire freakin’ life! I need help. SHE needs help but until she’s in the care of the proper authorities, I’m just going to have to be the sane one here and find a way to get her out of my realm. I’m not being erratic here, I swear! I’m pretty sure she’s a cooked rabbit, a screwed boyfriend, one haircut and a few dead partridges in a pear tree away from pulling an Annie Wilkes on me and hobbling me in my own bed. This chick is scary. At first I just thought she was just a little overly-energetic. And that’s cool, I can handle intense enthusiasm. Although that day when she was late to class and whispered to me that it was because she was constipated and finally had to stop and take a mundo-crap was, well, a little more than what I’d called enthusiastic. But TMI aside, things were worsening. The constant texts and showing up at my door at 7am were putting her in the coo coo crazy train direction. I don’t even tell my therapist every little detail about my life the way this girl grills me and I pay her…..

This is an excerpt/preview. You will be able to download the entire monologue once purchased.

  • Written by: Amanda B. Goodman