ALEXANDER: You are an wicked woman, Wilma. I see it in your eyes. You try to cover the evil with that blue stuff and those erotic long eyelashes, but I know the truth. I see the truth in you. I’m a living polygraph! You hear that Wilma? A poloygraph! A truth finder.
So you go ahead. Take that gun and kill me and put me out of my misery. I’d rather be dead than have to listen to you act so innocent while you bitch about my socks on the floor, my dirty dishes in the sink, my snoring, my teeth grinding, my forgetfulness, my remote control issues, my inability to close a fucking cabinet door, my–(Realizing. Drops to floor, covering face..) Oh my God. What the fuck? I’m such an inconsiderate ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! I don’t know how you put up with me, Wilma. (Crying. Looking at Wilma.) I’m a horrible boyfriend. I’d make a horrible husband. Kill me before I reproduce. (Shocked because Wilma is about to shoot him. He doesn’t move though.) Wait. Wait. What are you doing with that gun? Wait. Wait! I just want to say one more thing. You’re right, you can change me…..
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- Written by: Bobby Holder