I’m going to kill him. I’m going to take my pillow and I’m literally going to smother his fucking face in the middle of the night while laughing as I down a bottle of French rose. (Beat) No, I’m not going to do that. I want to, but I’m not. Jason’s had the flu for about four days now and every moment that he breathes life’s air, I want to jump out a window. I never did understand the male brain and its connection to male hormones. I mean, we all know about the males’ brain and its relationship to the sex organs…non-existent…but what about those hormone mother fuckers? I’m sorry, but Jason complains that I’m like Cujo on acid for a about one week every month, but what he doesn’t realize, is that the tiniest sniffle turns him and every other creature with a penis on this planet into fucking baby Huey! He’s got an earache so he has me run out to Radio Shack to get him noise canceling earphones because they make him feel like he’s in a “safe zone”. Then he has me bring back two kinds of flu medicines…..
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- Written by: Amanda B. Goodman