I’ve lost hope. It sounds self-indulgent to say it out loud, but I have. I came here fresh and wide-eyed like all the others. I was different. I was going to change the world. But guess what? Nothing has changed, except me. I’m 13 years older and I don’t believe I can change shit.
Have you ever had a dream? I mean a real dream? Something you just can’t stop holding onto? Something more precious than anything else you hold dear in life? I’ve been a dreamer since childhood. Maybe even before that. It’s in every cell of my existence. Its tentacles are so embedded in my DNA it’ll never let go. I want to act! And I want to be the best in the world! Oo, even as I say it, I wince. To the outside world it must sound trite and frivolous. But that doesn’t make the dream go away…I want to create magic that touches peoples’ hearts and changes their thinking. I want to move them to tears and make them shriek with laughter. Someone once asked me why I act and I told them that’s when I feel closest to God. It’s true. I do. But when I don’t act, I feel separated from it, cast out and abandoned.
Ironically, hope has been my greatest heartache. I’ve been close so many times I was salivating. I’ve almost booked huge commercials; I’ve had great agents who’ve floated away.
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- Written by: Joyce Storey