Monologues » Teenage Monologues

Teenage Monologues

Teenage monologues can be rich with substance! At this critical time of exploration of themselves and the world around them, good monologues for teens contain material that tap into the emotions and thoughts of teenagers. They are introspective, empathetic, observant, questioning and often edgy, witty, and wise. When choosing the teenage monologue that is right for you, pick the one that “feels right,” like a glove that fits perfectly. Really explore your monologue for teens. It is not enough to “skim the surface.” Dig in and show your full range of emotion through your teenage monologues.


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    11-16
    YEARS OLD
    It’s been a week since Zach dumped me. I have to stop thinking about him. He could do this thing with his eyes, this little squinty thing that made me fall head over heels in love with him - argh. STOP. (big breath) I’m over him. I am over him! In fact, I’m surprised at myself for ever thinking I loved him. A boyfriend, as far as I’m concerned, should be three things: Number one, nice. If he weren’t, he would be a complete waste of time. Number two: h.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    7-14
    YEARS OLD
    Last night I heard my mom and dad talking about Roger. He’s been my very best friend since I was born. He is always happy to see me. He licks my face as soon as I get home from school. I used to take him outside every day, but he doesn’t want to go for walks anymore. When I get his leash and say, “Come on, boy, let’s go for a walk” he still gets excited. He wags his tail and looks at me, but th.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    11-16
    YEARS OLD
    My boyfriend of five weeks – I know, right – we’ve been going out forever! So, my boyfriend of five weeks asked me what I thought we’d be doing after we finished high school, and I said, “Do you think we’ll still be going out?” And he said, “Sure, why wouldn’t we be?” And I didn’t know what to say, but now I’ve given it some thought. I hope that he asks me that again, bec.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    16-18
    YEARS OLD
    We had just won the state championships and we all went to Bill’s apartment to celebrate. I was with Lucy, my girlfriend. One minute she’s there and the next minute she’s gone. It’s a crazy party with too much booze and then I remember that I left my jacket at the gym. On the bleachers. Now, school’s only two blocks away from Bill’s but I’m tired. Really tired. I just played my heart out in this game and I want to go to sleep. But you see, there’s something really special in my jacket. A ring for Lucy. It’.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    9-16
    YEARS OLD
    Well, I think that went pretty well. I mean, I don’t think I was actually brilliant, but I think I did okay. There were four more people than they need for the team. Those are pretty good odds. Aren’t they? Only four of us will not make the team… What if they don’t pick me? Maybe I did totally suck! How embarrassing to be one of only four that doesn’t get picked. Only four!! I really wish hundreds of kids had come to the try-out. It would be way le.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    7-14
    YEARS OLD
    You already know that the best way to kill a vampire is to drive a wooden stake into its heart. You’d have to get pretty close to the vampire, though. Probably, you’d get bitten yourself in the process… It might be worth it, though, if say, the vampire was going after somebody really cute that I wanted to impress. That would be very noble, and becoming a vampire myself would actually be pretty cool…. But usually, you want to save yourself from a vampire. .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    7-13
    YEARS OLD
    Acting Dad? What more can I say. It’s a word that means a lot. Especially to me! When you’re acting, either on the stage a la a thrust, proscenium, in the round, or raked surface, or in front of that cool big shiny reflective recording device called the camera, preparation is mucho effective! See how I did that Dad? .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    Dramatic

    18-50
    YEARS OLD
    In a roundabout way Mrs. Warren, my high school teacher, helped me discover my passion for anatomy. Well, her and a lot of bad luck. Yeah, I was “that” kid. Since I was a toddler I’ve been breaking bones from sports, goofing around, not paying attention, you name it. I’ve broken, torn and pulled more bones and ligaments than I knew I had! Every time I’d get a new injury I’d Google it to see where it was located and what it was attached to. I’d strain to see the X-Rays my doctor was examining and attempt to interpret them myself. I broke my collarbone playing hockey – it was worth it, by the way, I scored big ti.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    19-25
    YEARS OLD
    This girl stalks my whole life. I’m not trying to quote Pauly D from The Jersey Shore when I say that, because literally, this psycho bitch stalks my entire freakin’ life! I need help. SHE needs help but until she’s in the care of the proper authorities, I’m just going to have to be the sane one here and find a way to get her out of my realm. I’m not being erratic here, I swear! I’m pretty sure she’s a cooked rabbit, a screwed boyfriend, one haircut and a few dead partridges in a pear tree away from pulling an Annie Wilkes on me and hobbling me in my own bed. This chick is scary. At first I just thought she was just a little overly-energetic. And that.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    11-16
    YEARS OLD
    I don’t get art. We went on a field trip to this museum and the teacher showed us a picture of some guy with a face made of a shovel. I dunno, I guess someone thought it was cool cuz the curator guy said it’s worth a bunch of thousands of dollars, but I have no idea why. Imagine if he’d used a pitchfork or maybe a rake! What would that be worth? Hey, maybe the guy should make a whole series of ‘em. He could make a killing! Whoa! I should do it! I don’t know if I can paint, but how hard can it be.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    12-17
    YEARS OLD
    I can’t believe that Tyler is being so good about this. I have the most understanding, amazing boyfriend. I’m so relieved that he is willing to forgive me…. Actually, though, why did I need to be forgiven? How could I have known what Matt was going to do when he pinned me against the lockers? And why was it my fault that he pinned me in the first place? I wasn’t flirting with him. I didn’t invite him to hold my hands above my head and touch me. How is it that any time a guy does something to a girl, it’s always the girl’s fault? And then Matt’s fr.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    They took Snickers. Don’t you dare try to tell me they don’t have him, Rick! Cats like Snickers don’t just walk outside to pick up the newspaper, have a quick smoke and then BOOM-SHAK-A-LA-KA disappear! It’s that group I told you about, Rick…don’t laugh at me!!! When they first started moving into the neighborhood, we all thought they were just a little “different” with their gluten free diets, th.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    11-17
    YEARS OLD
    I just really can’t believe it. Steph and Zach. My best friend and my boyfriend are going out. Oh gosh, I thought I loved him. How stupid was I? And Steph – I remember that she was there, being happy for me, when Zach and I first kissed. I’m not actually angry, just extremely sad, and feeling betrayed. I feel like killing myself, really. That woul.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-25
    YEARS OLD
    Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been…a while. By the way, love this, “Possible Sins Committed,” pamphlet. I do have questions. It says, “Abused Drugs.” Does that include Advil, Midol, Tylenol? Period cramps are a bitch! 2 pills are never enough. I usually have to pop at least 4 from my secret stash in my locker. Wait, you’re not going to alert the administration? This is confidential. You’d be going against God by ratting me out. Okay, moving on. “Made bad decisions with boys.” Is that just sex and handsy stuff or could it be,.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    14-18
    YEARS OLD
    Food doesn’t make me happy. But that doesn’t mean I can’t stop eating. My Dad says I should exercise more. What he’s really saying is why don’t I look like his twenty-five year old Russian model girlfriend? You know my Mom’s an alkie. Sorry, alcoholic. But I don’t think vodka makes my Mom happy. But vodka’s not food is it? Do I think I’m fat? Well, I think if I lived in Omaha, Nebraska, I would be just fine. Healthy is what they would call me. A big booming girl. But here, on the Upper East Side of ManhattanÖDid you know I f.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1.5min
    13-18
    YEARS OLD
    You a dog with your bow wow face. What you doing on my block, dog? This street is for pretty people. You ain’t pretty. You ain’t nothin’. What you going to do about it? You so scared you can’t even speak. You a skinny little thing. You look like a string bean. And I hate string beans. I hate all kinds of vegetables. You a vegetable. Do you know that’s what you are? You gay, too, I bet. You gay, aren’t you? You so gay you turn green like a string bean. Gay string bean. That yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    7-14
    YEARS OLD
    Woah! That was the coolest thing ever! When you get two of those chocolate covered ones with sprinkles, it clears everything!! Wow! That was so awesome. I beat the level and everything. Mom, you just don't understand. I've been working on this level for weeks. I'm so sick of clearing the jelly and now I finally did it! Now I know why they call it “Candy Crush.” A absolutely crushed it! What a rush! No, I am not obsessed with sugar. I do not nee.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-60
    YEARS OLD
    I think my cell mate wants to sleep with me. Actually, I'm positive she definitely wants to have sweaty shower sex. I don't know much about Velma, my cell mate, but from what I heard, she is NOT the one you say no to. I think she's in here for murdering her kids or husband, somebody but it's rude to ask. I learned that after I got shanked by the Co.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    15-17
    YEARS OLD
    I’m such an idiot. I really thought he loved me. All that, “Oh baby, you’re so beautiful, you’re so great” crap. Lies. Everything. Every present, every text, every phone call. I can’t believe I fell for it. That lying, cheating scum. I was actually thinking of going all the way with him. Thank God I didn’t. Which is probably why he dumped me. And for Kelly Leffords of all people. Really? He couldn’t have better taste.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    12-16
    YEARS OLD
    Mom, I’m looking for money for Chick-fil-A. Where can I find some? I know I have my allowance, but this is food. Isn’t it the parents’ responsibility to provide food and shelter for their kids? You’re the ones who brought us into the world in the first place. You should have realized we’d want to go to Chick-fil-A. Don’t they teach you that in parent school? It’s the first thing I’d put on the curriculum. Well, right after time to play wii. I know you’re cooking tonight but I have basketball practice. Besides, everyone on the tea.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    16-18
    YEARS OLD
    University applications sure want to know a lot about you, Mom. I didn't know where you got your Ph.D. so I Googled it. How come they’re so interested in you? I'm the one applying to their school. I mean, you went to college like a hundred years ago. I don't see how that’s relevant today. Do you think I can just give them a link to your website and skip over all these historical questions? They expect me to have this ridiculous G.P.A. but they’re cutting into my study time. Is that really fair? I think I’ll write a letter to the Provost and complain. Is he the head gu.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    15-18
    YEARS OLD
    So you want to know what happened? Ok, I’ll tell you. Tonight was the homecoming dance. I went, I danced. Happy? (Beat) Oh you want to know about the murder? Ok fine. I came home to find out my boyfriend was brutally murdered. It’s a funny thing you know? Death. My boyfriend was a good guy. He was captain of the football team, straight A student, debate team. You name it, he did it. Maybe a little too much. You’re not really buying this are you? All right then, tonight I came back from the dance to find my boyfriend with three drunken cheerleaders, one who might have possibly been a bleacher bound stoner succubus, and Let’s just say I wasn’t happ.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    15-19
    YEARS OLD
    (African American – Cockney equivalent) ESI: Born, April 19, 1993 n DC 6 lbs. Mother went to jail for drug addiction. 1995. 1996, mother got out of jail. 1999, 7. Me and my sister got raped by my uncle. I am 10 years old and trying to make things work. 11, I move with my father. It’s not working out. 12, I move with my granma: she give me a turtle. All is well, all is well. I growed up. Got a bad charge, go to detention. 16. I’m in Hillside while my mother is dyin’a’AIDS. I am doin’ well. I don’t know how to be sad, but I can be mad. Sittin’ here in confinemint cuz .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    13-16
    YEARS OLD
    So will you do it? It’s not like I’m asking you to rob a bank or anything. Just tell your mom I’m going with you to the movie. It’s not totally a lie. I’ll probably see you there. I mean, if I can take my eyes off Jason. Can you believe the hottest guy in our class asked me out?! OMG, what am I going to wear? Do you think I’d look cuter in a dress or jeans? You know, the ones I have with the sequence on the pocket? Definitely jeans, right? I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard on our first date. Can I borrow your blue top? I think it would .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-35
    YEARS OLD
    So I’m standing on line at Filene’s Basement, which by the way, is not in a basement. I had to take a ginormous escalator to get up to customer service. So why do they call it a basement? Geography was never my long suit, but doesn’t a basement by its very definition require the escalator to go down? Anyway, I’m standing there waiting to return six of the party dresses I’m not wearing to my cousin’s wedding cuz they’re just too hideous for words – what was I thinking?! - when this oddball guy gets in line behind me. I noticed him right.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    12-16
    YEARS OLD
    My name is Abby and I’m a writer and I have a really big secret and an even BIGGER problem. You see whenever I write something, it always seems to come to life. I can’t control it no matter what I do. My stories seem to jump from the pages and become reality. For example, last month I wrote a story about cheerleaders who become monkeys and sure enough it came true. Even though I admit it was pretty funny at the time since I don.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    16-55
    YEARS OLD
    Did you know it’s illegal in the state of Alabama to charge money where dancing bears are wearing a dress? Which begs the question: Who comes up with this stuff??! And the bigger question: Why? Did someone once offend a female dancing bear? Maybe they didn’t tip her enough and her husband got PO’ed. Or perhaps they over tipped her and he got really ticked. Or maybe she was just coyote ugly and the whole place started to riot. Maybe her parents.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Dear Mom & Dad, I’m not in Jersey City anymore. I’ve been sitting in front of the computer trying to think of colorful things to write about this colorful city I am living in now and all the colorful people I am living with so bare with me a while as I try to put together something articulate for Dad and you to chew on. The last thing I want you to do is worry about me. In order for that to be the case I have to be careful what I say and how I say it which means the risk of me not saying much at all is a distinct possibility as you both know. .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    8-13
    YEARS OLD
    Dear, Mr. President. This year for my birthday, all I want is for Mom and Dad to have a happy and healthy baby. I know you have more important things on your list of…well, things…but Mom’s been so unhappy lately. Dad told me it’s because she feels like a float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade…But, if that were true, then wouldn’t she know how to fly and have strings coming out of her a--, sorry, I’m not allowed to use bad language. She eats A LOT! Yesterday she made an entire box of pancakes, gave my Dad and me, seve.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    12-17
    YEARS OLD
    Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend must’ve been doing some wild drugs. They’re just a bunch of shiny rocks stuck in some gaudy ring or necklace. It’s not like you can actually do anything with them. They won’t create world peace or feed a bunch of starving kids in developing countries. Well, maybe they could feed someone if you pawned them, but then they’d be gone and you wouldn’t have them anymore, would you? Did you ever see those rich ladies with the leather tans that wear lots of them? I don’t really understand why, but they seem to like them a lo.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    6-13
    YEARS OLD
    Why do I have to do the dishes? It’s not even my night. Isn’t Billy on trash? Well, dishes can be trash, can’t they? If they’re paper. Why don’t we use paper dishes? Is that bad for the environment? It works for McDonalds. They wouldn’t do anything bad for the environment, would they? If we had paper dishes, then Billy could take them all out with the trash and I could do fun stuff. You know, like singing Taylor Swift songs or listening to Taylor Swift or watching Taylor Swift’s concert on You Tube!!.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    9-15
    YEARS OLD
    So, here’s the thing. I don’t actually know how I feel about my parents getting a divorce. Do I wish that my mom and dad still lived together? Well, yeah, I guess so. Isn’t that what every kid is supposed to want? It’s a pain packing up my stuff and going over to my da.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    16-21
    YEARS OLD
    Dad, I am a granny. I am the most fearful person in the world. I always drive 4 or 5 miles under the speed limit, look 7 ways before entering an intersection and do 17 shoulder checks before changing lanes. Why would you even think you have to lecture me about responsibility? They broke the mold for Type A when they made me. Well, technically, you and Mom made me but that's creepy to think about. Will yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    16-23
    YEARS OLD
    August 24th. The day I got my driver’s permit. I was 15 and ready to show everyone how cool I was, even with my Mom riding shotgun. I walked out of the DMV staring down at the piece of plastic in my hands. “Can we go back and retake my picture?” “That depends, do you want to drive now or later?” Mom replies. I make a beeline for the driver’s side and my Mom does just about the coolest thing ever. She tosses me the keys over the car. I completely fumble, but make a quick recovery. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. The engine roars to life and I hit the gas. 24.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    12-16
    YEARS OLD
    My boyfriend and your boyfriend are not the same at all! Just because he cheated on me with Jenny doesn't make him a jerk. Well, he is a jerk for doing it but he's really, really sorry and it was her who tricked him into it and he's a dumb guy so it wasn't really his fault. Not like your guy. He has cheated on you like, 3 times already. He did so! With Jenny first. I KNOW! Can you believe that Jenny? She's got some nerve! I mean, why doesn't she.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    He lives in a mansion, has thirteen dogs, and his butler’s name is Franz. He’s my soul mate. Just because I met him on Facebook doesn’t mean it devalues our relationship. Facebook is the new blind dating! In fact, it’s better than that! Jack and I have a connection thanks to the connection of our WiFi signals sent out through the universe and back down deep within our hearts! The other day, when he picked me up, he brought me a cronut because he said it reminded him of me. He said, because it’s not quite a croissant and not totally a donut, and like me, it’s a cro.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-25
    YEARS OLD
    Look I like you, ok I really like you. It’s not you, it’s actually me, well actually it’s my family. Look meeting the family is a big step and clearly I don’t want to put you through that kind of torture, especially not this early in the relationship. (Beat) They’re not that bad. OK they’re pretty bad, but I’m just looking out for you. (Beat) You really want to know? Ok where to start? All right, there’s my grandma the boozer, she gets drunk the second the clock strikes 8…in the morning. She always says “It’s happy hour somewhere in the world” Not to mention the fact th.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    11-15
    YEARS OLD
    It’s cool how when you kiss someone, everything works out so perfectly. Even when you’ve never kissed anyone before, and you weren’t expecting the kiss to happen. You’re just hanging around, thinking that he’s just going to keep talking and never get around to actually kissing you. And then, when you least expect it, he gives you that look, and .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    17-19
    YEARS OLD
    Explaining her traumatic freshman year to an incoming freshmen Well, I’ve only been through freshman year so far and it is not all it is cracked up to be. Take this as a warning. I spent most of my first year being completely miserable. I even thought about transferring to a different school; it was that bad. Many a night I stayed up late doing research about different schools on my laptop, while my second roommate of the year, that’s right, second roommate, was sleeping. I’ll get to the roommate thing in a minute. First of all, the food is lousy. I’d call my parents and I could hear the whole family .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    10-15
    YEARS OLD
    I just finished my math homework in like half an hour. That was the most productive half hour of my life! I should quit math. I’m a genius! I must be a genius if I finished so fast, right? Why do I need math? Or the rest of school, for that matter? Geniuses don’t need school, do they? Why would they, if they know everything already? I talked to one of the geniuses at the Mac Store the other day. I asked him if he was born a genius of if he became one. He said he became one from helping his Mom with her computer problems. We.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    9-15
    YEARS OLD
    Wow, this is amazing! Just look at this! This is the coolest thing ever. When I was a little kid, my mom read me a story about the Redwood Forest, and I’ve wanted to come here ever since. Some of the trees here are so big, even when my mom and dad and brother and I all try to put our arms around one, our fingers.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-35
    YEARS OLD
    Welcome to class, ladies and fabulously dressed gentleman. Today, we will learn how to obtain a wealthy man without really trying. Lesson one: BAIT! You have to maintain your bait. If a billion dollar financial advisor approached you right now, would you be ready? Not with those busted shoes and that hairstyle, you’re not. The type of man that will change your life goes to galas. You won't get an invite if you loo.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    17-25
    YEARS OLD
    You understand? No, you think you understand. Just because you have a Ph.D. doesn’t mean you can magically feel anyone’s pain. Have you witnessed someone you love turn into dust? Were you on the phone with him, when when he screamed for his life? No! So don’t sit here and tell me that everything is going to be okay because it’s not. My boyfriend, my best friend, the only person who knew me better than I knew myself, is dead. He’s gone! It’s only been a week and it feels like years. I try to stop myself from crying every night because I don’t want to accept it. I need him. I mi.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    14-18
    YEARS OLD
    I've done something. I need help. I've really, really done something. I...hit Kaitlin. I hit her pretty hard, I think. I hit her three times in the face, I think, as hard as I could. She fell down. She was crying, and I just stood there and watched her cry and I felt like...nothing. Like a sense of peace or something. She was just crying on the floor in my living room and I just stood there and felt nothing, but it was good. And then she got up and left, and I took one of my Dad's beers and drank it and watched Game of Thrones. I drank .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    15-19
    YEARS OLD
    I burnt the lasagna. Is that even possible? I put it in the oven the time that it said on the box and then poof-magoof!! The alarm thing-a-ma-bob on the wall starts beeping and all this smoke starts shooting out of the oven. Why me, huh? Why do I get the highly flammable pasta sheets? All I wanted to do was make a nice meal for Dad when he came home for the weekend from training. He likes Italian food...so I thought oooo lasagna…that’ll show some skills right there. If I can make a wicked awesome cheese on sauce on carb-sheets of yum ménage-trois then I’m definitely the favorite child. I .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    10-15
    YEARS OLD
    I hate homework! I spend my whole day doing schoolwork. Why do I have to do more when I get home? I have stuff to do, ya know. I have to check my facebook and text my friends. And there’s basketball practice and hanging with my peeps. My buddy, Josh is havin’ a bunch of us over to play Wii. I’m defending my championship in both bowling and golf. What am I supposed to tell him, I .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    10-17
    YEARS OLD
    So! I like the way you raise your hand in Miss O’Connor’s class every time she asks a question. You seem to know the answer for everything. You’re a very smart girl and Miss O’Connor has praised you as a good example for the rest o’ the class in how you always hand your homework in on time. Oh, and how neat you write. “Good penmanship,” Miss O’Connor said. You are definitely the brightest student in the class. So! I have chosen you to do my homework. You’re the lucky duck I picked. You’re gonna meet me in front of the dollar store each and ev.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    13-16
    YEARS OLD
    So this girl, Kaylee, in my class is like the hottest girl in school. You should see her. She stops traffic walking down the hall! And I don’t know why, but she really likes me. Thinks I’m funny or something cuz I’m always cracking jokes in history class. She’s as smart as a whip, too. Always gets A’s on everything. Every guy’s been trying to go out with her and I finally saw my chance. I was complaining one day that I didn’t get what the teacher was saying and she actually volunteered to help me with my ho.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-21
    YEARS OLD
    I can’t breathe. But it’s not the physical breath I can’t seem to inhale, it’s everything else. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I just want to be normal. A normal person wouldn’t cry if they eat ten more calories than they originally planned to eat the day before. A normal person wouldn’t have to exercise three and a half hours a day at full intensity because anything less equals loss of self-control. (beat) Aunt Lana, I need to know how you got through. Mom told me when you were my age that for an entire year you ate.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COM./DRAM.
    1.5min
    18-25
    YEARS OLD
    Think of everything we did this year. Think of how much fun we had. Think of moving in. And how awkward it was. And unpacking our stuff. And not knowing what to do the first night. Think of the hypnotist show. That dumb hypnotist show where nobody was really hypnotized but we all pretended to be hypnotized because we’re freshman in college.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    17-35
    YEARS OLD
    Dr. Phillip, I'm here today because of “Mr. I Don't Love My Girlfriend.” Strike 1: He's looking at every girl's ass that walks by without even trying to hide it. Strike 2: He's on the phone texting and smiling. I wanted to be like, "Yo! Who the hell are you so happy to text at 7:46 in the morning, Jake?!" But I didn't say anythin.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.45min
    9-16
    YEARS OLD
    You see, Mrs. Smith, I can’t do laps today because my doctor forbids it. (Beat) No, I know what it says. See, dis-in-breath-opulus is a very serious condition that I currently have. It means that if I get out of breath that my entire system could shut down and I could faint…or die. Well, maybe not die, but there’s a good chance that if I fainted and was standing near something dangerous, say, near one of these very old, wooden, and.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    16-19
    YEARS OLD
    LARKIN: So what? All of a sudden you’re too stupid to know how to be a friend? No, worse, you don’t know how to be the brother I never had. My Ma takes you in because I ask her, she feeds you, she lets Rosie stay, hell, she’ll probably raise your kid and you can’t help me look at my Dad? I wanted to be where my Dad was and I needed you to be there with me. (pause) White tiles and steel tables and basins, and scalpels, saws, hammers, picks, every kind of tool for prying a man open, and scales to weigh a brain or a kidney or a rock-hard liver. It’s unho.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Oh wow, Brianna is absolutely, totally, the best thing that has ever happened to me. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, I love everything about her. And, here’s where it gets really nuts. She loves everything about me. I know, crazy, right? We tell each other every day that we are so lucky to have found each other, and we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. Oh man, that is so fucked up! What am I going to do? You know that anything too good to be true.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    13-30
    YEARS OLD
    I’m nine. I’m at the pharmacy with my mother buying aspirin. I say we should walk down the aisle with all the bottles of things – you know, shampoo, lotion, stuff like that – but she says she doesn’t want to, that we don’t need any of that. I walk down it anyway and she follows me. Then she starts talking to a man. He has big fingers and my mother is laughing and no one is looking at me. Right in that moment, I become invisible. I fade into the background of the stories happening around me and I’m watching the stories but I’m not in .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-35
    YEARS OLD
    All right, all I have to do is tell Grandma that I’m asking Jody to marry me and I’m home free, right? Awe, fish sticks with soy sauce. WHY IS THIS SO EFFIN’ COMPLICATED?!?! The woman is eighty-seven years old - I mean, yeah, she’s in the hospital but it’s for a yeast infection for Christ sakes!!!!! Is telling her that her grandson is getting married really going to change what’s going on “down there”? I think not. Look, Mom, I know she wants to believe in a world where.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    You know what, Jody? Just go. It’s what you’ve always been good at…walking away. Best friends for life? You are such a selfish miserable human being and I am so sick of being your target. I’m done. You wanted to get over Barry so you thought you’d find a new guy to make him jealous…okay...decent plan. But did you have to pick Dave? You knew how I felt about him. You were there when he broke my heart. How could you have even thought twice about bringing him into this? No!!! Don’t you dare even try to say a word, I’m not finis.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    Terrorist: A person who terrorizes or frightens others. Let me be the first to admit: Children are terrorists. The sky is blue, our bodies need water, and children are masters of terrorism. I understand children are overwhelmingly adorable. They say cute things in cute voices while wearing cute outfits, but looks can be deceiving! Their primary objective is to break you down to the point of slight insanity. First of all, labor in itself is exactly like the battle between Bane and Batman in The Dark Knig.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    13-16
    YEARS OLD
    CHRISSY: One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand. I gotta get up. I’m gonna sit over there, on the rock, by the fence. Okay. I’ll be quiet now so I can see your world while we wait for the hummingbird. (She sits) Okay. This is good. This is nice. I can sit here. I can sit here for more than a minute. I’ll pipe down. silence I try. I really do. Please let me talk to you. Let me talk and then when I’m all talked out, I’ll stop. When you’re not around I try and I can’t. To sit. But as soon as I sit I look at another spot and things look better in that spot.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    17-25
    YEARS OLD
    They say, "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be." But what if you love something so much that you don’t want it to come back? Because if it comes back, it’ll feel so much worse. I knew that if he couldn’t be everything I wanted him .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    14-17
    YEARS OLD
    I can't believe your mom is just like seriously gone all night screwing some dude! That's (fuckin') awesome! I thought I'd be like hiding out in someone's garage for the next...I dunno. I dunno how long I'm gonna be gone. (Shit), Man! I'm about to (fuckin) explode! I'm gonna mail this letter to her tomorrow, and I'm like...Aaah! Ya know? I mean, why can't she just...like not be like that? Jesus! I gotta read you this thing. I gotta just like get it out there or I'm gonna explode! Ok? Ok. (opens letter). “Dear Mom, Yeah, that's right, I'm gone, because you have made it perfectl.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-21
    YEARS OLD
    I was kinda messed up as a kid. Got into lots of trouble. My parents didn’t know what to do with me. I got in with this gang, called themselves UPC. Some moron named it after the universal price code cuz he worked in a grocery store, but I didn’t know that back then. Anyway, I thought it was cool to run with them. They had this great tag and we used to spray it everywhere – abandoned warehouses, corner delis, billboards. You should have seen me. Hangin’ upside down off a billboard over the freeway with a .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    15-19
    YEARS OLD
    NITZ: Yeah, I can see now. Awful small room to live in. Like bein’ in a coffin. I don’t ever want to be in a coffin. I’ll go nuts in one. How nuts is it that you gotta spend the rest of your life in a coffin after you die? Nobody knows what’s doin’ under the earth. Nobody. Did you know that your thoughts continue after you die? It’s true. I read it in a science journal. You die and your thoughts continue, just like your hair and nails grow, which if you think about it - .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    19-27
    YEARS OLD
    Mighty Morphine Power Rangers, can you please find out where the damn doctor is??!! (Beat) Hey, what happened to you? That thing on your hand, that doesn’t look too good…you should go to the hospital about that…oh right! This thing down here…well, it’s agony. See my big brother Jason over there, well tonight, that asshole convinced me to hang with his friends and play a drinking game. Did you ever hear about the one called “Splatter-Splash?” No? Well in short, it involves shots of Tequila mixed with Tabasco sauce and pickled peppers. Oh yeah, and the throwing of little knives across the.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    12-17
    YEARS OLD
    WHY WHY WHY!!!!! Why do I get stuck with a little brother? None of my friends have little brothers. Well, Danielle Martino does but her brother is so sweet and polite. Unlike my demon of a little brother Michael. Sure he was so adorable when he was an itty whittle baby but he’s ten now and he’s always getting me into trouble. Like yesterday, He was playing baseball in the yard and he hit the bal.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    You never know. Maybe Rita will volunteer to do a little overtime with me. She practically got down on her hands and knees and begged me for it once. It’s the truth. This family of five got wiped out on the highway by a drunk driver. Their lodge was burying them the next day. Billy Smith and me pulled extra shifts. You were on vacation. Billy was working the crane. I was scooping dirt. It was hot like a bitch. We worked round the clock. After we were through, Billy took off to his girlfriend’s in Bayshore but I was .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    The instant I heard “Livin’ On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi it shook my soul. I had discovered rock ‘n roll and I knew I was in love. I guess that sounds cliché. Every guy with a guitar in his hands probably has the same feeling, but mine was real! Since I was young I’d been playing classical music on the piano. It taught me a lot but it just didn’t stir my passion. But with rock music I felt liberated! I had this new musical freedom that could take me wherever I dreamed of going. I traded in my piano for a beat up Stratocaster and practiced singing high notes in the shower.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    It’s so still on the prairies. Eerie. Like God didn’t want humans trespassing on his domain so he designed the prairies as a gigantic “Do Not Disturb” sign. People who were born here say there’s nothing like that big prairie sky. Me, I just see bleak, barren desolation. Like I’m at the end of the earth and no one will ever know I’ve just faded into the landscape. It’s not so hard to do. I can see for miles, but there’s nothing to see. Driving down the highway is hypnotic in its austerity. My eyes play tricks on me. I keep hoping to find civil.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    16-20
    YEARS OLD
    PETER: I remember Mom sitting alone in the dark. “Your Dad’s gone,“ she said. “He won’t be coming back.“ (Pause) Didn’t even say goodbye. (Pause) Then I stole some sweets from Walmart and a few other shops, smashed in a couple of windows. Mom couldn’t cope. She sent me to this… home. (Pause) And at Christmas I was given this little kitten. Sandy. Only I didn’t ask for a kitten. I didn’t want anything alive. Only it was OK after a bit. Sandy relied on me, you see. Needed me to play wit.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-25
    YEARS OLD
    My parents really cursed me. In fact they fucking ruined me. Jeffrey is a piece of shit scumbag and I wish my parents would’ve left him in that mental facility and threw away the key. He’s not right. All my life I wished for a big brother I could look up to, a guy who would show me the way. Instead I got a drug addicted, mentally ill fucking liar whose been nothing but grief to me and my sister Candace. We’ve spent the better half of our early adult lives having to keep aft.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    16-27
    YEARS OLD
    How can I be so young and feel so alone? Nothing seems to interest me anymore: not my books, not my friends, not my PC. I don’t even like to go out anymore. I wish I could tell someone the way I feel, but I know they won’t understand because I don’t understand myself. My pain is choking me. It’s unbearable. Sometimes I cry all night. Other times I can’t find any tears. I’m full of emptiness. My feelings don’t exist anymore. I wish it would run away. I do. I spend everyday locked in my roo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    19-25
    YEARS OLD
    She walks like she has a fishing line connected to her shoulders, that’s connected to the sky, that’s connected to angels. The arch in her back is a Greek temple and it moves like the Pacific Ocean and I only sat behind her in one lecture but I knew I loved her. I mean, that’s what college is about, right? Mystery, and love, sex, and questions, and mystery love sex questions, or, something. It was a science class, probably something tedious and biology-based. She was science, too, made entirely of boxes of light and depleted by lif.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC/
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    Sometimes in singing competition TV shows they’ll show the tragic backstory of some wide-eyed hopeful contestant and they’re like, “I’d never been on a plane before but I left my small town in Iowa for a chance at the dream.” Then it turns out the auditions are in Iowa so they didn’t even have to take a plane. They didn’t actually lie. They just used words to get around saying, “I’m not good enough on my own, so I need some sob story so you morons will vote for me,” or whatever. That’s what Sammy did. He said he had to go to L.A. to do movies or something. Sa.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Hello, my name is Hilda. Is this the address of Yacob Smith? Good. I am your mail order bride. Why you shake your head no? You order one. I have tracking number. (Pulls out paper and reads) Amazon order number: 100002556206969. Yacob Smith. Is you, no? Okay, you listen, Yacob. That is funny name....Yacob. Sounds like women’s breast size. Jya – cup. (Puts hands out like .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC/
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-50
    YEARS OLD
    I would set an extra place at the table; two forks, because Percy hated getting pasta sauce on his vegetables, and no napkin, because Percy always wiped his dirty hands on his mustard yellow shirt. Percy loved music and dreaded rain and enjoyed microwaves and Percy didn’t die when my father died, so I kept setting the place for Percy, because nothing had changed. That’s not what they thought; not my mother, my sister, doctors, not anyone. They called it post-traumatic psychosis at one point, which, in retrospect, is fucking insane. I had an imaginary friend. I was strange. My dad died when I was in third grade. Novembe.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    17-30
    YEARS OLD
    Yes, this one is perfect. I wore it to my parents’ twenty-fifth anniversary party. It’s parent tested. Maybe it’s trying too hard. But, it will say that I cared enough to dress up. That has to make me good enough for their son, right? And he said his family dresses for dinner. What does that mean, exactly? And who dresses for dinner, anyway? Do I want to belong to a family that dresses for dinner? I can’t do this. I’m not going. I don’t want to meet his parents. Not yet. Of course, they will wonder why I backed out. I have to go. I am good enough for their son. He loves me .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    18-21
    YEARS OLD
    I love being a mascot! I know it sounds weird but I really do! When I get out there on the football field and hear the roar of the crowd something just happens to me. I turn into this rock star! It is such a rush! I get the fans all revved up and they do the wave and cheer and clap and it’s euphoric! And then I do these cameo appearances at fundraisers and special events and everyone wants to get close to me and have their picture taken with me. An.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-45
    YEARS OLD
    You sent me a text on July 2nd and I saved it, preserved it like some rare artifact or precious gemstone. It seemed like a sign at the time. Of course, when you’re hopelessly in love, you read things into the tiniest moments and your rose colored glasses cleverly filter out any unwanted red flags. Must be a color spectrum thing. You probably don’t even remember what you wrote, much less that you wrote it at all and I know you don’t realize the significance of the date because you never took time to ask. Come to think of it, you haven’t asked much about me at all, like when’s my birthday, what kind of ice cream do I prefer, do I .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    15-17
    YEARS OLD
    Yesterday Mr. Carlson told me I looked nice when I asked him about why he gave me a B on my paper. He said he liked my necklace and then he took it - like he picked the stone up off my chest and looked at it real close. His face was like inches from my chest! It was kinda hot. I mean, like Mr. Carlson is totally hot! And you know, Ashley and Vanessa are in that class with me and they think he's hot too and I know they saw him do that as they walked out of the class and were totally jealous! I stuck out my chest too, ‘cause I knew they were watching........
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    17-30
    YEARS OLD
    DARLENE: Mark! Don’t leave me! Please don’t leave me! You can’t! What? What do you mean ‘we were never together’? We had sex Tuesday at 2:46pm exactly eight months ago. And Mark… And… And…(Searching for a reason to make MARK love her.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-45
    YEARS OLD
    When no one else is in the car with me I listen to the sixties station. The voices seem pure, and there’s that crackling under the track that makes you think of a needle on vinyl and right then, only then, I miss my grandfather. Everyone knows he was a bad guy, I mean, Jesus, my dad changed our last name and everything. But I have this picture in my head, it’s—it seems stupid, I know, but it feels like something. We’re under the staircase in my childhood house, I’m about five, and we’re dancing. I’m standing on his feet, my hands are around his waist and my ear is pressed against his belly. .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    16-21
    YEARS OLD
    Fort Lauderdale and it’s five minutes to midnight, New Year’s Eve. Girls wearing stiletto heels and too much eyeliner teeter across the boardwalk like acrobats. Strobe lights from clubs wash our faces with green and red lights, and someone in an alley is already throwing up. Josh, the boy I love, is walking six feet ahead of me with another girl, Claudia, whom he just met at the hotel pool. Claudia looks like Julie Christie from an old movie I saw on the p.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    1.5min
    15-17
    YEARS OLD
    Vodka was my first science experiment. I was seven. Nine. I can’t remember. I was a kid. It was winter. My father and I were at the kitchen table and he handed me a bottle of Stoli. That’s what Russians do to stay warm, you know. Drink lots of vodka. We moved to Brooklyn when I was two but in some ways it’s like they never left. So, he hands me the bottle and says, “Max,” he says, “put it in the freezer. Wait two h.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    13-18
    YEARS OLD
    It’s my bed and I like it untucked! You claim every morning that my bed is not made correctly. The sheets don’t need to be tucked in if I’m just going to throw the comforter over it. I don’t even understand why I have to make it. No one comes into my room while I’m at school and when I come back, I’m just going to get back into bed, so what’s even the point of making it? You are so anal about everything! You move stuff around constantly. I went to find my favorite sweatshirt in my bottom drawer th.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    LARK: My name is Lark. My Mama named me that. I would have liked a normal name, like Brian or Ricky, but I ain’t that lucky. (Realizing and excited.) Lucky would be a better name too! I once saw a show with a character named Lucky. He had spiked hair and I liked it. My hair is.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-28
    YEARS OLD
    I had my first speaking roll on a T.V. show today. Can you believe it? Me! I was sooo nervous! I hardly slept last night! I was terrified my alarm wouldn’t go off, so I kept waking up to check it. Then I was terrified I’d forget one of my three lines or mix up the names or something and call Mr. Dawson Mr. Mason and Mrs. Mason Mr. Dawson. My stomach was doing flip-flops all morning. I even arrived an hour early, which never happens. I was so excited to go to hair and make-up and sit by the stars. But when I got there, my tongue felt like it was covered in peanut butter and I didn’t say a word. It’s kind of a strange feeling because everyone just assumes you know what’s going on, so you have to keep asking questions, like “Are you the hair person?.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    16-22
    YEARS OLD
    You don’t get it! I’ve been afraid of my father all my life. Trying to understand why he did it to my sister, trying to feel her pain and wishing it would go away. I remember my mother in the hospital… Now it was just me, my dad and sister. Everything seemed fine until he put us to sleep that night. I remember hearing my sister scream; I opened my eyes and saw.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    I’m busting my chops trying to make a decent living for us. No matter what I do we never seem to get ahead. Something always manages to bring us down. And that’s what a child would do to us now. Put us in so much debt. Ever since you got this bug in your head about having a kid you’ve been jumping my bones the minute I walk through the door. And it’s driving me up the wall. I’m scared. The responsibility is terrifying. I get my hands on a little kid, there’s no telling what I may do. I’ve got my father’s.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-35
    YEARS OLD
    The first shoes I recall owning were not Jimmy Choos or Prada or even Kenneth Coles. I wore brown hand-me-down orthopedic oxfords. Everyone else was sporting these cute little paten leather Mary Janes and I’d come clunking along in my orthopedic oxfords. And not just sometimes. They were the only pair of shoes I owned. My mother was a product of the depression and there was nothing wasted in our house. Two pair of shoes were simply out of the question. No sneakers, no cute little black sporty numbers for a change of pace. Just standard issue basic brown orthopedic oxfords. You can imagine how attractive I felt going to church in them with my blue pleated mini skirt and my canary yellow stockings. I don’t think I would have minded so much if there had been a purpose to this exercise, but as far as I can glean to this day, I got them because my sister needed them. Therefore, it somehow followed that I must need them too. My sister was born toeing in.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    16-18
    YEARS OLD
    Overtime shootout. It’s up to me to keep us in the game and the playoffs. Stick handling the puck toward the goalie, I pull a deke. Drop the shoulder…shoot…CLINK!!! Vulcanized rubber hits solid steel. I hit the post. The other team jumps off the bench, victorious, while I hang my head and slowly skate over to my team. I mumble a sad, “Sorry guys,” and look over at the college recruiters talking to some of the athletes on the other team. If only I’d shot half an inch to the left! Then maybe those scouts would be over here. I slink.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    14-20
    YEARS OLD
    Tripping over her words while giving an explanation to her boyfriend’s parents about the birthday gift she gave him, which they seem to think, was inappropriate. Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham, I heard that you were upset about the birthday gift I gave to your son. When buying this gift, I did not realize that either of you would be upset. It was an inappropriate gift, I see that now and I want to apologize for putting the two of you in an uncomfortable position. I hope that you will not take this out on Sean, because I can honestly say he had nothing to do with it. He is as innocent as a baby. I do not want him to be in trouble, because if he does get in trouble, then it is my wrongdoing that put him in .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    18-27
    YEARS OLD
    TOMMY: I can explain why I’m in the bushes. I’m hiding from you. Wait- that didn’t’ come out right, officer. Let me try again. Miranda! Miranda, the girl who screamed “Peeping Tom!” and pointed to me and ran. Yeah, that’s the one. She told me to hide in the bushes. So you see, I can’t be a stalker if the person who accused me of stalking asked me to hide in the bushes. Oh, I can explain that .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    15-40
    YEARS OLD
    Excuse me? Excuse me. Excuse me. There seems to be some confusion here. I ordered plain. Yes. No, it’s not. No, it’s not. No, it’s not. I saw them put cheese on it. I don’t have to open it. I saw. Can you just please have them make me a plain one? Thank-you. No, not that one. I don’t want a pre-made one. It’ll have pickles on it. The last time I got pickles, and I hate pickles. They infect the taste. You can’t even cover it with ketchup. Have them make a fresh one. Well, please ask t.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    16-40
    YEARS OLD
    So anyway, he was like, “Come on! Lets go home!” And I was like, “I don’t wanna go home! I’m having a super duper, great and fun time! All my friends are here and it’s a nice day and there’s so many things to do and see and smell!” And he was like, “Fine! 15 more minutes,” and I was like, “YES!! 15 more minutes!! Whoo hoo!!” So anyway, that’s why I’m still here. Hi, I’m Parker (Or Dotty), by the way! I probably should have introduced myself before I told you that whole story, but whatever. Poop happens! Haha. Hey, speaking of poop, I saw you take.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    16-18
    YEARS OLD
    It can’t be positive. The test must be wrong. No, no, no! Not me. This stuff happens to other girls like Tara or Melissa, but not me! They’re always hanging around with the bad boys, going to parties and telling their parents they’re studying together. I’m the good kid. I get straight A’s on everything – math, science, history, you name it. I take piano lessons and go to dance class. I sell Girl Scout cookies every year. I’m even learning Chinese. Mandarin, to be exact. Do you know how .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    13-17
    YEARS OLD
    Mom, I need fifty dollars for the restaurant for prom night. And fifty for my date. And the guy who is booking it is on the phone and I have to go to the bathroom. Can you just talk to him? Give him your credit card number or something? I know it makes me over on my allowance this week but this is prom! I don’t know if it was a big deal in your day, but let me tell you it’s a very big deal now. And Courtney is expecting a great night and so are .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    19-25
    YEARS OLD
    It’s over. I just have to accept it as a done deal. She’s over me. I thought our relationship was clear and loving and full of trust and understanding but I was misled. But I guess this was meant to happen eventually. (Beat) Reduced Sugar…reduced sugar…reduced…oh God I can’t even say it anymore…sugar (shudders). Yesterday my Mother bought me Reduced Sugar Frosted Flakes. There’s no coming back from that man, it’s official: My Mom doesn’t love me anymore. I knew turning twenty-three was going to be challenging what with getting AARP notices in the mail already,.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    8-14
    YEARS OLD
    Mom, you don’t understand! I can’t go back to school because the lunch lady hates me. Stop laughing, I’m serious! You know that mysterious “stomach flu” I had last month? Yeah, well Doctor Klein said it was probably due to nerves and Mr. Doctor guy was right, but what he didn’t know is that my nerves are also twisted with a side of rotten pudding! Yeah, that’s right, Mrs. Bootin, the lunch lady, served me expired pudding!!! I could tell because, not only was there a l.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    16-18
    YEARS OLD
    I have never been so nervous in my life! Mom and Dad got me this tutor and she comes to the house once a week and helps me cram all this stuff into my head. I was doing okay at first, but now everything is just a jumbled mess, like I turned dyslexic overnight or something. I can barely focus. I’m breaking into a cold sweat. My whole world is riding on this on.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-50
    YEARS OLD
    I killed my mother today. Psych! I didn’t kill her. I just imagined it in detail. Do you think that makes me unbalanced? Oh, come on, like you’ve never thought about it. Everyone wants to strangle their mom at least once in a lifetime, right? I mean it’s not like I did it or anything. But if I had, I would have lured her into the basement. The only problem with that plan is she has a bad hip and the stairs bother her, but I’d get her down there somehow because that’s where she’d be least likely to be hea.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    12-16
    YEARS OLD
    A touchdown in the third quarter, heading into the fifth inning now, he’s about to shoot the ball when the goalie swoops in and blocks the shot! The crowd goes wild and the cheerleaders…well…they cheer and all is well in the world with the LakerMetsRangers and cheeseheads alike fan themselves and reach for the dip. (Beat) At least that’s what my friends do. It’s not me. Is it so bad that instead of running track or doing layups across the gym floor, I’m actually under the bleachers listening to track number 3, .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    8-13
    YEARS OLD
    I love baseball. I love everything about it. I think I know every stat on every player ever! I especially love going to the ballpark with my dad. We’ve been going to watch the Yankees since I can remember. We have our own jerseys and everything. Dad’s says Rodriguez on the back cuz he’s a big A-Rod fan and mine, of course, says Jeter. We wear our ball caps and I take my glove incase I catch a ball that flies into the stands. I came close once but I wasn’t tall enough and this big guy by my dad caught it. I love when we first walk inside Yankee Stadium with the smell of the hotdogs and popcor.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    15-18
    YEARS OLD
    (She falls) Owwwww. Oh God I did it again didn’t I? Aw man I’m always falling and this time I think I see birds, no no wait those aren’t birds, they’re stars! Yeah there’s Shirley Temple and over there is Britney Spears, god is she ugly in person. Oh my God it’s The Beatles. (putting on a British accent) Hi guys it’s certainly been a hard day’s night for me ..as you can see I’ve take another tumble. Ok well, bye bye then. Oh how cool! There’s J-Lo!! Eeesh! What is.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    11-18
    YEARS OLD
    Why is it that every time I think I have an answer for something, I don’t. My mother told me that Aunt Cindy was depressed and I should spend some time with her. I thought that shopping would be the perfect thing to cheer her up. We could try on clothes, she could buy me something - just like when I was little. Turns out that there are things that shopping can fix, and things it can’t. We used to have so much fun. She was not fun this morning. Finally, we stop for lunch. I decide to take t.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    15-18
    YEARS OLD
    Ok, I’m not gonna lie. I think I may be drunk. But the thing is, I’m not really sure what that means. You see tonight I got together with the girls at Bunny’s cousins house and they were drinking these drinks out of these teeny tiny little cups and I was just thinking…”How cute” it’s like cups for Mickey mouse!!! I couldn’t resist so I asked Bunny if she could get me one. She kind of looked at me like “ya sure?” and I was like “ya’huh” and then she was all “you know it’s jibbijabboowaheew.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    15-25
    YEARS OLD
    I love signs! People write the craziest stuff on them. Sometimes they write funny things on purpose. You know, clever. Like the hair salon named “Curl up and Dye” or the sign on the funeral home that says, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.” And sometimes there are signs that can be fun depending upon the way you interpret them. One of my personal faves is “Slow Children Crossing.” You usually see it in school zones or in the burbs. Now, what I wanna know is where.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-23
    YEARS OLD
    Beauty is more than skin deep. I mean, it’s great that people want a person’s heart to count for more than what is on the outside…I get that. I do…but what about the people who have nothing else? I know you think my dropping out of law school to study cosmetology seems crazy to you guys, but Mom, Dad…it’s what makes me happy. Makeup makes me happy. Applying makeup to people makes me happy. We live in a society where human beings judge their fellow inhabitants first and foremost on what they look like; you know, what color their eyes are, does their hair color match their skin tone, is the color nail polish they’re wearing an in.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    8-16
    YEARS OLD
    I have fifteen dollars and twenty-seven cents in my piggy bank at home, Celia. You can have it all right now if it’ll help. I like the apartment. It’s a little dusty, but it’s really not that bad. I’ve lived in worse places before I got placed with Mr. and Mrs. Welles. They’re super nice to me, not the way the Tiernos were last year. It’s like we’re becoming a real family, like the way you, me, and Mom were before she died. You know, I still have the mark on my arm from the oven incident. You know that time Mr. Tie.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    18-27
    YEARS OLD
    MIRANDA: How shoud I know why he was hiding in the bushes!?! He’s always hiding somewheres. Behind the door. Under my bed. Behind the shower curtain. I do not hang out with him. I do not like his character. I like legit men. Men like you Officer…(Looks at his name on his tag) “Officer Waterson.” (Adjust her hair or breast, to flirt.) You gonna read me my rights or am I going to have to do something illegal? Well, we could go back to my place and I could rip the tag.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    15-35
    YEARS OLD
    I am so sorry I’m late. Okay, yes, I know, I am very late. But I have a good reason. I was almost here, when I had to turn around, go back home and change my clothes. I was a mess - covered in mud from head to toe - no kidding - completely covered! Obviously, I couldn’t meet you looking like that. You should have seen me. It was so embarrassing. I stopped and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. Well, you don’t want to look like an idiot, do yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    1.5min
    12-19
    YEARS OLD
    I dreamed I could fly and put my hands through walls. It felt so real to me. And it felt so good. Being special like that. I thought how popular I would be. I’d be like a star. And girls would follow me around. Perhaps. Perhaps my life will change for the better. I would like that. I would like to have a good life. I haven’t totally given up on the idea. No. The idea of living a long life appeals to me more and more. I’m taking better care of myself, too. I am. I’m .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    10-14
    YEARS OLD
    I thought this year would be different. Some of the other girls developed over the summer. And some of them are stuffing their bras now. But they are all still just teasing me. (pause) What nobody understands is that I like to flirt just like everyone else. I’d never actually do anything with a boy. But, I don’t think I’m a tease. What am I supposed to do when guys flirt with me? I guess I just assumed that they wanted to hang out with me, whethe.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    14-21
    YEARS OLD
    My mother is dead, not physically dead, but dead to me. I don’t know what it feels like to have a mother anymore; someone who’s supportive, who you can trust and is always there for her child. The woman who gave birth to me is nothing like the mothers I see on TV. She’s negative in every way. She has a nasty attitude and treats me like I’m garbage. She would never ask if I ate dinner or how my day was. I don’t remember the last time she told me she loved me. I feel her rage trying to get into my soul. She works hard to make me feel bad abou.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    15-18
    YEARS OLD
    I was at Sarah Granville’s party Friday night. Imagine me, unimaginative math dweeb girl invited to the head cheerleader’s party. I mean, I know I got her out of a jam when her parents hired me to tutor her for midterms, but that’s just business. I said, “Me? Are you serious?” “Yeah,” she said, “You’re cool.” Woah! If the heavens had opened up and shone the light of God on me at that very moment, I wouldn’t have been more shocked! I had just been anointed by the goddess of glam herself! OMG, the “cool factor,” a one-way pass to easy street. But then it hit me. Oh Gawd! What would I wear? I ransacked my entire closet for three hours. Nothing. There was not one shred of couture that would make me look any less th.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    Dramatic

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Fly, precious songbird. Fly like the wind and fetch my father before it is too late! Don’t tell him what I’ve done. He’ll find out soon enough. He’ll be so angry when he sees the mess I’ve created. I’ve broken the code. I’ll be taken off of mortal duty for eternity. But who could resist such perfection? She’s certainly worth the affections of royal stock, is she not? Her creamy white skin, as velvety and luxurious as the finest rose; those eyes of cut glass blue; they’re intoxicating! If I didn’t know better, I’d mistake her for an elemental. And those beautifully formed cherry lips. I merely wished to brush against them, to taste their sweetness for the tiniest of moments. And now look what I’ve done! How could I be so irresponsible? Father has warned me since childhood that mortals cannot sustain the vibration of the fairy world. But she ev.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    15-18
    YEARS OLD
    Hello there. My name is Bethany, Bethany McGregor, and I’m here to audition (beat). Ok thank you. Well, I’m a performer, no actually I’m a star. Yep that’s right I’m a star. You know when I was in high school I got voted most likely to succeed. Yes…I mean it was just last week, of course I plan to graduate early because…that’s just what I do! Funny how as a joke I was also voted most likely to become an ax murderer. But enough about how great I am, lets talk about how I got so great. Well when I was a little girl I always believed that I was a butterfly.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    13-17
    YEARS OLD
    They don’t get me. Oh, it’s OK. You don’t have to pretend. I know they don’t. I’m different. Not good or bad or anything else. Just different. The part I can’t figure out is why that’s not OK. I mean, who came down from heaven and decreed that everyone has to be the same? Sort of like white bread bologna sandwiches with mayo? Not that I have anything against bologna. I like to eat it sometimes, but not as a steady diet. See, I’ve got this imagination. And it’s cool, at least to me it is. I dream of being a super powered alien from the planet Karpagien who’s come to earth to warn the people o.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    14-17
    YEARS OLD
    Where have you been, under a rock? Haven’t you watched the news? You’ll never in a million years guess what happened to me today! You know my twin brother, Alex, right? Well, we had band practice today so we both brought our instruments and metronomes. You know, those annoying things that tick like a clock and help you keep your tempo even? So I’m minding my own business in math class trying to figure out the square root of who-knows-what when the fire alarm goes off and we all have to evacuate the building. I’m thinking, “Yeah! No more math!” And I’m standing there on the lawn e.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    15-18
    YEARS OLD
    He was mad when he found out what I done. That’s where I got this shiner. But I don’t care. I ain’t never goin’ back there. You can’t imagine what he’s like when he’s drinkin’, which is most o’ the time. Unless he’s passed out. He wasn’t as bad when Mama was alive, but he was still pretty awful. I don’t know how she stood it. They say she died givin’ birth to my baby sister, but I think she died of a broken heart. So I raised her babies; wiped their noses and changed their diapers. I had to steal money to feed ‘em off his dresser when he was passed out and I took the whoopin’ when he woke up. But they got food and they went to sch.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    16-21
    YEARS OLD
    Did you hear that? I love the sound of the train whistle late at night. Makes me think of all those old movies with stowaway kids and vagabonds. All that adventure! Wouldn’t it be nice to just hop on a train and not know where you were headed? Fall asleep and wake up in some midwestern town ready to explore? I know, I’ve watched too much Disney Channel…but wouldn’t it be cool if you could leave everything behind and just start over? No worries about anything. Jus.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    That wind is loud tonight! It always makes me anxious. I keep waiting for the windows to shatter and the roof to tear off the house. I know I’m too old to hide under the covers in my bed, but secretly I do sometimes. Don’t tell anyone. I’d be the laughing stock around here. Like the bed sheets could keep me safe anyway. I’d run to the cellar, but everyone would think I’m nuts. And I guess I am in a way or I wouldn’t be so jumpy. It’s not that kind of storm. Logicall.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    8-15
    YEARS OLD
    What do I want to be when I grow up? Why? What could it possibly matter to you? Is that what you ask every kid you meet? I think I’ve heard that question 50 times just this week. I’ve started saying that I want to be a mortician, just to see the expression on their faces. They must.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    16-20
    YEARS OLD
    She’s repulsive. She smokes like twelve cigarettes every forty minutes. I know, because I counted…I couldn’t help it, it was fascinating. And she does this thing with her nose when she clearly thinks you’re saying something that she’s too good for. I mean I get that she’s got a really good job and an expensive gynecologist but come on!! Two y.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    14-17
    YEARS OLD
    Dude, I’m dead. My Mom’s going to come into my room tonight after she finds out and she’s going to kill me. And if that doesn’t stick, she’s going to put me on a plane and send me off to live with my Uncle Morris who smokes thirty cigars a day and showers once a month. I’m going to be his smelly little cigar boy. (Beat) Awwwe man, what the hell am I gonna do? This guitar cost her four thousand bucks! She only gave it to me two months before my birthday because she thinks I aced that calculus exam, but I really just turned.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    15-25
    YEARS OLD
    Megan. Megan. Megan. Megan. MEGAN!! Sorry. But you didn’t answer the first four times, so that’s—that’s your fault. Anyways. Hi! I just need to ask you a quick—uh, thingy— a quick— thing—question. My god, I don't know why I'm so bad with the English language right now. I actually have an A+ in English, which is actually the highest grade in the.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    13-18
    YEARS OLD
    Okay, I will return this serve. I can do this. (shouts) I’M READY. (jumps out of the way of an imaginary ball). ARGG! I WASN’T READY. You have to wait a second after somebody says they’re ready. How can I be ready when I’m still talking? GIVE ME A SECOND, PLEASE. Okay, now I’m ready. (swings at ball) OOPS! SORRY. Oh, that was so lame. YES, I AM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING YOU SHOWED ME. How was I supposed to absorb any of that with you standing so close to me? This was a bad idea. I look like an id.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    JANET: So, I decided to take up yoga. Yoga!!!! Yoga! Frank, are you deaf? Is yoga such a foreign word to you that your mind rejects it? That’s your problem Frank, you’re closed minded. This is what I’m learnin.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Oh please, who does he think he’s fooling? She’s been in there for, like, an hour, almost. That is how long it takes to deliver a package? (towards closed door) We all know what kind of package you’re delivering. What kind of work environment is created when you know your boss is, like, doing the delivery girl? He thinks that because he gave me a raise and my own little office, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Yeah, whatever! I am so tempted to like, just call his new wife, Tiffany and spill the beans! She thinks t.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    You’re giving me orders? I had all I could handle of this in the Army. “O’Brian K.P.. O’Brian how come your shoes ain’t shined?” They make you feel guilty for being alive. They really do. Some of the guys may have fell for it. But not me. Not Kevin O’Brian. I wasn’t going to stand there and let myself be humiliated. After arriving at Fort Dix we had an inspection of the barracks. D.I. comes up to me. For no reason t.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    13-16
    YEARS OLD
    A zit the size of a moon crater on the first day of class?! You have got to be kidding me! Maybe if I wear a bag over my head no one'll notice. How am I gonna make Bradley Thomas notice me looking like this? I look like a swamp creature from the deep! I wish the earth would swallow me whole. Oh, no. Just realized I’m wrong. He'll notice, all right - probably nickname me pizza face or something and it'll st.......
    Price $3.99