• MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    21-35
    YEARS OLD
    I went over the hill once. A.W.O.L. for a week. The Shore Patrol found me sprawled out in a Topless Bar downtown. I was blind on gin and attacked one of the dancers. Some S.O.B., if I ever catch him I’ll kill him, sneaked up behind me and cracked a beer bottle over my head. It took thirty-three stitches to close up my scalp. I got thirty days in the Brig, which counts as bad time against me, added to my hitch. I gotta get out of here. At least if I had a decent job. This is sissy’s work I’m doing. I’m like some damn maid. If I was working up front in the E.R., .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-55
    YEARS OLD
    If you said they died on the way over, I believe you. A little anxious, yes. It’s been a while. For you, too? That’s what my sister said. So, Maurice…right, Maury then, if that’s what you prefer to be called. Sure, I drink. Two margaritas and I’m in la-la land. You know a nice Mexican restaurant? All right. Let’s vamoose. What’s the matter, Maury? You forgot your wallet? It’s okay. These things happen. No. I have money. You’ll pay me back when we get to your apartment? I’m not certain if I’m going that far. It’s not a rejection. I find you very attractive. Sure, I kis.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1.5min
    13-18
    YEARS OLD
    You a dog with your bow wow face. What you doing on my block, dog? This street is for pretty people. You ain’t pretty. You ain’t nothin’. What you going to do about it? You so scared you can’t even speak. You a skinny little thing. You look like a string bean. And I hate string beans. I hate all kinds of vegetables. You a vegetable. Do you know that’s what you are? You gay, too, I bet. You gay, aren’t you? You so gay you turn green like a string bean. Gay string bean. That yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Dear Mom & Dad, I’m not in Jersey City anymore. I’ve been sitting in front of the computer trying to think of colorful things to write about this colorful city I am living in now and all the colorful people I am living with so bare with me a while as I try to put together something articulate for Dad and you to chew on. The last thing I want you to do is worry about me. In order for that to be the case I have to be careful what I say and how I say it which means the risk of me not saying much at all is a distinct possibility as you both know. .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Excuse me, sir. Sir! Yo! Excuse me. Yeah. You, sir. Are you okay? Do you understand what I am saying? Speaky English? Good. Can you stand on your own two feet? Or do you need my help? Do you need me to help you, sir? I will help you stand if you need me to. No. You can’t lie there, sir. Are you dizzy? Do you see two of me or one of me? How many me’s do you see of me? No. You’re going to have to move. A bank isn’t a hotel. .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-55
    YEARS OLD
    GROPE JACKSON: Folks, I’m selling out cheap! All my T-shirts are one dollar! Socks, three pair for a dollar! (beat) Folks, I gotta get rid of this crap stuff. Champion T’s a dollar! Nike T’s a dollar! Champion zipper hoodies a dollar! (beat) Folks, it’s a liquidation! The government caught me. In New York City I was caught. By Donald Trump and his henchmen. They brought me in a van to New Jersey. They dumped me in New Jersey. They said they’re building a wall around New Jersey. But they’re gonn.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    Eight thousand four hundred. NO!!! Eight thousand and eighty. (beat) EIGHTY!!! You said four hundred. I’m saying eighty because eighty is what...You don’t have four…You have eighty. Eighty is yours. I know you wanted eight thousand four hundred but you don’t have eight thousand four hundred. Eight thousand and eighty is all that’s left in the account. The four hundred is gone. Forget the four hundred. Eight thousand four hundred just isn’t real. Eight thousand four hundred is an illusion. I understand. Y.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-70
    YEARS OLD
    (Lights on a man. He wears a baseball cap. He takes off his baseball cap and holds it out to the audience.) This is what it’s come to…underground…hat in hand…Saturday afternoons crowd rushing up and down…to catch the “A”…to catch the “E”…the “C” or “L”…on their way to some God awful Hell…banish the thought…I wish no one ill will…standing still….at the top of the stairs…hat in hand…hat always in hand… …bent slightly…ever so…a twinkle in my eye…trace of a smile…the sound of coins land in my hat…there is hope… accumula.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    10-17
    YEARS OLD
    So! I like the way you raise your hand in Miss O’Connor’s class every time she asks a question. You seem to know the answer for everything. You’re a very smart girl and Miss O’Connor has praised you as a good example for the rest o’ the class in how you always hand your homework in on time. Oh, and how neat you write. “Good penmanship,” Miss O’Connor said. You are definitely the brightest student in the class. So! I have chosen you to do my homework. You’re the lucky duck I picked. You’re gonna meet me in front of the dollar store each and ev.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-70
    YEARS OLD
    Did I ever tell you about Jeannie? We had a...I don’t know what...but we had it. She threatened to tell Dita. Every time the phone rang...every ring...the sound...Oh God...the sound cut through me like an unclean knife. What if it was Jeannie? What if it was her? And Dita answered the phone. What then? What would happen then? When their two voices met. (Mimics Dita’s Austrian accent) “Hello?” (Mimics Jeannie - nasal Jersey girl) “Is this Dita?” (Dita)
“Yes. To whom am I speaking?” (Jeannie) “Uh...is Ken around?” (Dita) “Who is this?” (Jeannie) “Jeannie.” (Dita) “And you want Ken?” (Jeannie) “I do.” (Dita) “My Ken?” (Jeannie - seductive) “I want him.” (Dita)
“Is t.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    25-65
    YEARS OLD
    FRANK: We drop off machinery at Danang and driving back to Red Beach. So…we’re riding through a village. Eddie stops the truck. Two little girls running. Screaming. (voice of the little girls)…“HELP, HELP OUR MOTHER’S HAVING A BABY!” Eddie and I look at each other the way Eddie and I look when something’s going down like we’re being lured into a trap, but because of the little girls.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC

    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    You never know. Maybe Rita will volunteer to do a little overtime with me. She practically got down on her hands and knees and begged me for it once. It’s the truth. This family of five got wiped out on the highway by a drunk driver. Their lodge was burying them the next day. Billy Smith and me pulled extra shifts. You were on vacation. Billy was working the crane. I was scooping dirt. It was hot like a bitch. We worked round the clock. After we were through, Billy took off to his girlfriend’s in Bayshore but I was .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Dick. Oh Dick. Why does this happen? Why? I love you! Yet it does. It happens. But why? Why does it have to? I remember the night we met. I had broken off with Tom who had let me know the night before he was gay. The thought of his body, and how could any man’s be as soft as mine. Then you came along, with your chipped front tooth, and tiny hands. Up and down that bar. The nerve of you. Flopping yourself down at my table. Then you offered me that drink. The first of many. I was certain what was on your mind. Did I refuse? I could have. But there you were. Looking like a fool. Your chipped too.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC/
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    I’m on the corner of ninth and fifth…twenty fifth avenue…in the Village…where I live with Donna…when I see Donna and this guy I don’t know or want to know, walking down the street…and there’s this vibe between them. You know…So they stop and Donna introduces me…I say hi…and then she goes on to say how she was sitting in Washington Square Park and so-and-so invited her to go sailing on his boat,.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    Damn teenagers baring children. Why some people bother I’ll never know. They come in here full. Proud of their bellys. Carrying suitcases for their brief stay. Holding onto their husband’s hand. Sweating and nervous. You don’t need a stethoscope to hear their hearts beating away with every second. I’ve seen so many come and go through here, like there was a sale in a department store, and they had to beat the crowd to get their first. Young and irresponsible. Can’t wait to grow up. Getting married. Hopping into bed. In such a rush it’s pathetic. Barely able to take care of themselves. It amazes me, how they expect to take care of an infant with all the.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    I’m busting my chops trying to make a decent living for us. No matter what I do we never seem to get ahead. Something always manages to bring us down. And that’s what a child would do to us now. Put us in so much debt. Ever since you got this bug in your head about having a kid you’ve been jumping my bones the minute I walk through the door. And it’s driving me up the wall. I’m scared. The responsibility is terrifying. I get my hands on a little kid, there’s no telling what I may do. I’ve got my father’s.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    That’s right, officer. I want an attorney present. I’m not answering that either. So, appoint me one. Somebody cute. Get lost, you bum. So, I got a big mouth. I’ve got respect for myself, which is more than I can say for you. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a shirt like that. And that tie. Your wife must be colorblind. You’re not married? It figures. One look at you is enough to sink a ship. Where am I from? Nova Scotia. What do I care if you believe me? Yes. Lisa Hansen’s my real name. Check it. Double check it. Quadruple check it. Go ahead and hit me. I’d love to see you try. A cocksucker like you don’t scare me. I know I’m in trouble. L.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    35-50
    YEARS OLD
    Roger Rabbit. (beat) Just kidding. Roger Stein. Stein as in a stein of beer. (beat) Pre-K. Loved every second. Four and five is a great age to be. (beat) By the way, Mister Evans, I do a great impersonation of Barney. (beat) Thirteen year’s experience. That comes out to…what…four thousand seven hundred and forty five days. (beat) Oh, well, I’m an idiot savant like the brother in Rain Man. (beat) Rain Man. The movie with Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. (beat) Duh! And what rural hick planet are you from? (beat) Tulsa, O.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    1.5min
    12-19
    YEARS OLD
    I dreamed I could fly and put my hands through walls. It felt so real to me. And it felt so good. Being special like that. I thought how popular I would be. I’d be like a star. And girls would follow me around. Perhaps. Perhaps my life will change for the better. I would like that. I would like to have a good life. I haven’t totally given up on the idea. No. The idea of living a long life appeals to me more and more. I’m taking better care of myself, too. I am. I’m .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-70
    YEARS OLD
    What do you think of the Rorschach test? Now they’re saying it’s based on a Swiss Parlor game. Years ago they said it was based on clouds. A man looked up at the sky and saw clouds move and got this idea. These young people are constantly trying to re-create history. History is a mystery. Leave it alone. Why not create something uplifting? I illustrated five of the Pippi Longstocking books and was Art Director for McCalls all before I was thirty and this was in the fifties. I’m in Who’s Who. Of course this made me very anxious. My mother a.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-70
    YEARS OLD
    There’s a card in my wallet you should know about. On the card are specific instructions and a number to call. Call that number and SUNY will come for me. It’s all been pre-arranged. Just call the number and when SUNY asks what is this in reference to…say …this is most important… SHMUCK NUMBER ONE…SHMUCK NUMBER ONE is my password. I am SHMUCK NUMBER ONE. Me. Ken Schwartz. That’s my M.O. All my life it’s been. Like the time I bowled with the inventor of Sweet & Low and asked him for a job. He said, “Ken, what can you do for me?” (beat) “I don’t know,” I said. I felt like such .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    You’re giving me orders? I had all I could handle of this in the Army. “O’Brian K.P.. O’Brian how come your shoes ain’t shined?” They make you feel guilty for being alive. They really do. Some of the guys may have fell for it. But not me. Not Kevin O’Brian. I wasn’t going to stand there and let myself be humiliated. After arriving at Fort Dix we had an inspection of the barracks. D.I. comes up to me. For no reason t.......
    Price $3.99