• FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Whoever told you age is just a number, lied. I've tried to date men my age. I find their lack of accomplishments and lack of stability very unattractive. Not to mention, their lack of commitment is appalling. These recession post grads are struggling to maintain careers while paying off college debt. They've had enough one-night stands to lose all notions of chivalry. They be.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Don’t assume I’m angry just because I’m a black woman. We’re not that angry. We’re just misunderstood. We do have our reasons to be angry. Hello, have you seen this hair? Like, God, what is this punishment? Was slavery not enough? Do you know how much money a black woman spends on a weave? Honey a lot! White women get to (swings hair) all day long (Beat) for free and they think we don’t know they’re doing it out of spite, Oh, we know. It’s okay because everyone knows once you go black you don’t go b.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-30
    YEARS OLD
    Don't mind me waiting to audition; I saw the notice for this casting and thought to myself, (beat) “Self, you would be perfect for this role.” So I packed my life in this bag and headed straight for New York City. My mama tried to discourage me from following my dreams. She said, “Debra, don't you need to be talented for a place like New York City?” So, I said, "Don't tell me how to live. Just sit and putter life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter. Don't bring around a cloud to .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    I swear it's not you...It's me. I really didn't mind all of your weird little quirks...It was cute, almost. So really, it's not you, it's me. I am completely the reason why I am packing my bags. (Beat) It has nothing to do with your toenail clippings! I would never be that shallow, David. Come on. Break up over toenails? There were so many other things that were way more disgusting and worth breaking up over. Like your weird appeti.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    My mother taught me how to be a woman. Well, I had several mothers. They would dress me up like their little doll. I’d prance around in shoes too big while draped in silks. I felt so beautiful. It’s from them I learned about love, learned how to love. (Beat) My first love paid me. You see, we had t.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-60
    YEARS OLD
    I think my cell mate wants to sleep with me. Actually, I'm positive she definitely wants to have sweaty shower sex. I don't know much about Velma, my cell mate, but from what I heard, she is NOT the one you say no to. I think she's in here for murdering her kids or husband, somebody but it's rude to ask. I learned that after I got shanked by the Co.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Hey, I'm smoking here. You ever notice how many people smoke around here? Count the people without a cigarette. You'll have better luck, buddy. This is New York, buddy. We don't apologize for our vices around here. You want your baby to avoid second hand smoke? I suggest you teach that baby how to hold i.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-35
    YEARS OLD
    He broke up with me via Instagram! Well, we were never Facebook official. I’m not even sure we were Facebook friends but I found out when he posted a pic of his girlfriend, now fiancée, that bitch! How dare she! He and I had something special! We were sleeping together for six whole weeks, Six Weeks! Although he claimed to be the anti-commitment type of guy, he had no problem putting a ring on her freaking finger! What am I missing? I'm a catch. I'm sexy, intelligent. I have a j.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    Another day on the job full of stress and I come home to this: “Roberto, clean the gutters! Roberto, fix the lamp. Roberto, let’s make love.” Dammit, woman! I've already had a long day. So, she says, “Roberto, long day, huh? And what exactly do you do all day?” No appreciation; no gratitude. What do I do all day, woman? What do y.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-35
    YEARS OLD
    Welcome to class, ladies and fabulously dressed gentleman. Today, we will learn how to obtain a wealthy man without really trying. Lesson one: BAIT! You have to maintain your bait. If a billion dollar financial advisor approached you right now, would you be ready? Not with those busted shoes and that hairstyle, you’re not. The type of man that will change your life goes to galas. You won't get an invite if you loo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    I want that woman arrested! Listen, sir…Oh, okay, listen, Mr. Rico? I have never in all my life been shot on the job. I’ve dealt with everything: hurricane weather, aggressive canines, hell, even the occasional horny housewife’s attempts at seduction. But I never had to deal with such stupidity.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Does this make me look fat? Actually, don’t even answer that, David. Of course you would say yes; you’re suck a dick. Yeah, you’re my husband but you’re a dick nonetheless. You secretly wish I had the dimensions of a supermodel: 34, 26 and 36. I’ve seen your collection of my Victoria Secret catalogues that .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    30-40
    YEARS OLD
    I’m done looking for a good man in New York City! I’ve been cat fished by cuckoos, cat-called by creepers. This is driving me freaking crazy! I just walked through Harlem and I swear, it felt like I was in the jungle itself. I’ve never heard so many different animal calls in my life. (Beat) “Hey Yo! Ma…waasssuuup!” What is that? In the south we have a thing called chivalry? Is that the street corner version of romance? So I thought, “Let me try the Bronx” because I love A Bronx Tale and I can be like Robert De Niro said. You know, I .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-35
    YEARS OLD
    He said I wasn’t black enough. Excuse me? What color was I when I walked in the casting room? Was I purple today or a nice shade of lime green? Last time I checked I was always black enough to audition for the role of a black person. So, I’m all ready to read for Macbeth. I’ve been practicing my Shakespeare for weeks. “Was the hope drunk. Wherein you dressed yourself? Hath it slept since?” I began my monologue and was interrupted suddenly by a “Ahem, a.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-30
    YEARS OLD
    Someone save me from my postgraduate HELL!!! I am two seconds away from murdering my unforgiving pimp, also known as Sallie Mae! I'm convinced she has no soul. Can I live, Sallie?! Can I enjoy my post graduate existence without the daily reminders that the astronomical debt that I know I signed my life away to pay will be due in 6 short months? Trust me, I haven’t forgotten, so please STOP sending me bills, that aren't really bills. S.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    Dear heavenly Father, I'd like to pray for forgiveness on behalf of that floozy that has disrupted and disrespected this heavenly place, (BEAT) by failing to wear pantyhose with that blasphemous short skirt. I know you have room in your heart for all heathens and sinners, but really, HER? Are you out of lightning bolts or something? I know for a fact that she has .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    Congregation, we are gathered here today to hear a word this morning. I just want to tell you there is a God somewhere. Before I bless this here congregation with a little (singing) Amazing Grace, (Beat) Sister Jenkins, I think it’s about that time. Time for my favorite part of the sermon: It’s collection time! Now congregation, the Lord knows when he’s being short changed, so don’t be throwing no change in my c.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    18-60
    YEARS OLD
    Officer! Oh… you’re investigating a homicide. Well, how can I help? Sure, you can ask me any questions you want. I’m the perfect example of an upstanding citizen, sir. Whatever you need. (Beat) Where was I the night in question? Umm, I can’t tell you that. (beat) Do I have an alibi? Uhh, I can’t tell yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-35
    YEARS OLD
    I killed that stalker! He showed up at my front door. I don’t even know how he got my address? (Beat) I always thought he was weird, you know, snooping around the neighborhood, always wearing the same blue outfit. He was always looking so suspicious with those bags and boxes he was carrying around, leaving little packages and envelopes of God-knows-what on doorsteps. The first time he left something on my stoop I thought it was unusual. He knew exactly which month I.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Stop screaming! My head is killing me. Sorry guys, had way too much last night. I'm not sure if you guys drink or not but when you do go to Jimmy’s for the two for one shot special, tell them Liza sent you. We had quite a celebration last night. My cousin, Marie finally divorced her scum bag husband, Mike. I told her to drop him the second he star.......
    Price $3.99