• FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    40-60
    YEARS OLD
    I’m cooking pasta, like I always do on Thursdays. It’s been a tradition ever since James was little I’ve made spaghetti with garlic and he’s always loved it. I’ll ask about school; he’ll ask about work. It’s nice. The water is bubbling and I have this idea. This fleeting thought, for just a moment, that James needs me right now, and I decide to check on him. I walk down the hallway to his bedroom. From outside the door, noises. Subtle, but definitely a movement. I figure it’s a new feature on some sort of videogame or social media or something. I can’t keep up with technology. Kids these days don’t understand real interaction, human connection. They don’t read books, or magazines. Everything is co.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    40-70
    YEARS OLD
    ANITA: I brought roses for you. I hope you like them. (Places roses on ground.) If you don’t, then you are stupid, because everyone likes roses. It’s very difficult, you know. Explaining to everyone how you passed away. Why couldn’t you have died like a normal person? Doing something normal. I’d love to say: “My husband died in his sleep.” Or, “My husband died in a car accident........
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    For the love of God, will you please get off the floor? Look, this is our first date. I’m not sure if I’m ready to marry you. No, I’m not upset. No, I’m not surprised. You’re not the first man to propose to me on the first date. I use Herbal Essence Shampoo. I’m just kidding. I sounded like a commercial, didn’t I? I’m studying to be a commercial actress. But seriously, ge.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-45
    YEARS OLD
    Parker, come here. This is so embarrassing. Don’t pee there! (Turns as if speaking to a woman in the park) He doesn’t usually do this. I’m not a bad parent and I usually have complete control! I never ignore him to check my email or Facebook page. I cook all his meals! Yes, he still sleeps in my bed, but we are working on it. Right, Parker? Parker! Please don’t make me chase you again. You know I am still recovering from that soul cycle class. (Turns as if speaking to a woman in the park) That .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    35-55
    YEARS OLD
    Returning home made me feel like I would never live a normal life again. I was 29-years old…back in this dead end town…living with my mother who drove me crazy…and I felt like I was going no place fast. I just couldn’t escape the place…so…Somebody called it in. It’s weird, you know, I was the only one home so that never m.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    Johnny, stop hitting my boyfriend’s head with the “Star Wars” light saber and listen to me. I have something to tell you, Young Skywalker. (Turns to her boyfriend) You okay, Frank? Good. Go to the bathroom and wipe the blood off your nose. And give Johnny and me a moment. And, please put your pants back on. (Holds up photo) I didn’t want to do this Johnny...but your treatment of Frank, the love of my life, leaves me no choice. See this photo, Johnny? This beautiful photo of you, your mom, your dad, and your little whi.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    (Trying on a ring.) It’s absolutely stunning! You say it’s one-of-a-kind? George won’t let me buy anything that’s mass-produced. So, how many karats? Lovely. I’ll probably pay cash for it but I want George to see it first. Too bad he’s in a big meeting. Tonight’s our anniversary. (Begins to remove the ring. It’s stuck.) Oh, dear. My hands always swell in the summer. (Licks her knuckle). Maybe I should get it after all. Do you accept Visa? …$52,000! (Trying to remove ring.).......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-50
    YEARS OLD
    Hit me one more time and you’re a dead man. I mean it, Al. I will take this stick and I will bash your brains in. I’ve had it. I cannot take one more minute. Oh, you stand there all high and mighty like you’re someone, but we both know you’re a poor excuse for a human being. What kind of sick bastard have you become? Does it make you feel powerful to swat me so hard I go flying across the room? I’ve had a bruised kidney, broken ribs, countless concussions. Remember the last time? You knocke.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-55
    YEARS OLD
    If you said they died on the way over, I believe you. A little anxious, yes. It’s been a while. For you, too? That’s what my sister said. So, Maurice…right, Maury then, if that’s what you prefer to be called. Sure, I drink. Two margaritas and I’m in la-la land. You know a nice Mexican restaurant? All right. Let’s vamoose. What’s the matter, Maury? You forgot your wallet? It’s okay. These things happen. No. I have money. You’ll pay me back when we get to your apartment? I’m not certain if I’m going that far. It’s not a rejection. I find you very attractive. Sure, I kis.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    I swear it's not you...It's me. I really didn't mind all of your weird little quirks...It was cute, almost. So really, it's not you, it's me. I am completely the reason why I am packing my bags. (Beat) It has nothing to do with your toenail clippings! I would never be that shallow, David. Come on. Break up over toenails? There were so many other things that were way more disgusting and worth breaking up over. Like your weird appeti.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-60
    YEARS OLD
    I think my cell mate wants to sleep with me. Actually, I'm positive she definitely wants to have sweaty shower sex. I don't know much about Velma, my cell mate, but from what I heard, she is NOT the one you say no to. I think she's in here for murdering her kids or husband, somebody but it's rude to ask. I learned that after I got shanked by the Co.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    35-60
    YEARS OLD
    CLARA: I know what you're thinking: "What is she doing here?" I'll tell you what she's doing here...I'm changing my life. I haven't had a job in ten years. The little money my husband left me is almost out. So, I've come to a decision. I'm changing my life. You don't think I can do it, do you? You doubt me. These loins have brought forth life, yet you doubt my ability to change my own. It all came to me while I was riding the subway. My stomach was growling, so I decided to have a mint to calm my tummy, so I wouldn't disturb the sleeping homeless guy sit.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    30-55
    YEARS OLD
    My introduction into the teaching profession was rough at best. I was twenty-one years old and fresh out of college when I landed a position teaching elementary music in a northern mining town. I was terrified, but I told myself, “Just get through the first day. You’ll be fine.” Kids had always liked me, and I really had no idea what to expect. Well, the first day turned out to be bedlam in the office and when I went to the school secretary to get my class lists, she was buried under a barrage of parents. She threw a list in my direction and pointed me toward a photocopier. I’ve never been very good with machines and this one was no exception. I hit the “on” switch and impatiently waited for it to warm up. Worried that my class would arrive before me, I quickly made an almost illegible copy and gave the original back to the secretary. My first class was grade six. They were intimidating, to say the least. One kid stood in a corner spinning in circles while another named Brian Good who I later dubbed “Bri.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    35-50
    YEARS OLD
    COLLEEN: I tell you Nora, if I don’t kill Flibbertigibbet-Dana she’ll kill me. Look at her out there, slinging clothes over the line. They’ll never dry. You watch, she’ll be up here looking for a glass of wine – pour me a glass, will ya? She drives me crazy. Why Howie married her I’ll never know. He was in love with you – still is. Why didn’t you marry him? Then you could be my sane sister-in-law. She’s of no use to me. And those heels. It could be the dead of winter and out of the house she comes in her heels. Christ, I was wrapping Dad's arm at the hospital this morning. His arm is useless. The lymph edema. There I am wrapping his a.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    30-45
    YEARS OLD
    FLORA: I can’t imagine a life without coffee. If I had to choose between my husband and my coffee, I would select my coffee. If I had to choose between my children and my coffee, I would select my coffee. Just kidding, I don’t have children. God, what kind of mother would I be? “Here’s my child, now give me a latte!” (La.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    WYNONA: Hi. How are you? Before we get in the car and start this little adventure called my driver’s test…A few things about myself: I have a rare genetic disease where I have too many male genes and that causes me to be colorblind. Sometimes I don’t see yellow or red. But I have memorized the order of the lights. I know which color is on top, middle, and bottom. I’m also a little psychic, and sometimes I see dead people. Seriously........
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    38-59
    YEARS OLD
    Honestly, I don’t know what I believe anymore, Ray. First you say you worked late, then you left on time, but stopped by the club to say hi to Tommy. Which is it, huh? And if I call up Tommy to verify your story will he get all the details right? Did you prep him beforehand or are you pulling this stuff out o’ your ass as you go? You think I’m a moron? I see, Ray. I have eyes. You’ve been screwin’ that slutty lookin’ secretary, haven’t you? Don’t bother to deny it. You’ll only dig yourself a deeper hole. Did you know you’.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    20-45
    YEARS OLD
    I’m drunk. I’m at the greasy-pizza-and-hope-there’s-no-hangover stage. It’s not a bad thing. Tonight it’s released me from the gnawing hole in my solar plexus that you put there. I’ve just flown 3000 miles across the country away from the man I love; away from the one person who fills my soul with the sheer joy of life itself. It wasn’t easy stepping on that plane. And probably not wise, in light of our final night together. Interesting how the night is the witching hour. The whole world goes into hang-time during those hours. That’s why it’s my favorite. No obligations, no outside white noise; just the real, honest, raw, naked and perhaps vulnerable me. And maybe the vulnerable you as well. Do you have.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    LINDA: I’m into hair. All my life I have only dated, and married men with full heads of hair. My high school sweet heart was a cheating son of a bitch, but he had a full head of beautiful blonde hair. Loved it! Like sunshine! My college sweet heart weighed 328lbs and had a growth on his kneecap, but God his hair was a sparkling, shaggy red. Like a head of roses. Fresh red roses! My first husband was convicted of murdering his parents, but .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    19-50
    YEARS OLD
    My head feels like it’s going to explode and my teeth are aching so badly, I’m considering getting a pair of pliers and yanking them out one at a time. With my luck they’d probably chip and I’d have to have root canals or something. Of course I can’t sleep because of my running nose, so I have to stuff tissues inside my nostrils in order to have any peace. No wonder I can’t get a man in my bed. I look like a bloody walrus. I took a Theraflu two nights ago. You know - the one you mix up with hot water and it feels like your mother’s made chicken soup. But it made me so stoned I couldn’t even dream, except to dream I was stoned and then I woke the next.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    40-50
    YEARS OLD
    NORA: I am going to fling you right out of this hammock, Colleen Foley. You’re not taking my bed under the stars. You can’t have it. I wanted some goddamned apple pie and there was none to be had. It was you, wasn’t it? You ate the other half. No wonder you’re fat and out of shape and a mess. I wanted that pie because I was terrified. Terrified I’ve made a mess of my life. Nothing to show for a day of it. Not a real home, a pet, a MAN, a child. I could have been a chiropractor and studied the healing arts. I was hired you know, almost, but then on the third intervi.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    Here I am, about to get gorgeous for my very own wedding. I can’t tell you how long I have waited for this moment. You know the old saying, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride?” Every time that I walked down that aisle for somebody else I’d pretend it was me in the flowing white dress, instead of some new fresh horror that was perfectly designed to make the bride look gorgeous by comparison. But I knew that one day I would have my revenge. Finally, I met Mr. Right and here I am. I found the dress of my dreams three years ago, while shopping with Cindy for bridesmaid’s dress number five. I wa.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    35-50
    YEARS OLD
    I’ve lost hope. It sounds self-indulgent to say it out loud, but I have. I came here fresh and wide-eyed like all the others. I was different. I was going to change the world. But guess what? Nothing has changed, except me. I’m 13 years older and I don’t believe I can change shit. Have you ever had a dream? I mean a real dream? Something you just can’t stop holding onto? Something more precious than anything else you hold dear in life? I’ve been a dreamer since childhood. Maybe even before that. It’s in every cell of my existence. Its tentacles are so embedded in my DNA it’ll never let go. I want to act! And I want to be the best in the world! Oo, even as I say it, I wince. To the outside world it must sou.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    35-45
    YEARS OLD
    I’ve decided to label each of my wrinkles. I turn forty tomorrow and it’s time to get creative or I won’t survive this. So, labels. This one is the I-paid-for-my-ex-husband’s-rehab wrinkle. The parentheses around my mouth are named separation and divorce. Each of the Crow’s Feet is a pregnancy scare; under my eyes are both named weight gain and all the rest are from the blind date I went on last night where the guy told me he could “see experience” in my face. He said I was a “real woman,” then insisted I pay for dinner. And I was wearing Spanx - the worst thing about turning forty. They’re great for making fat rol.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    35-50
    YEARS OLD
    COLLEEN: I’m back. I’m here now. It’s late, but I need to sit with you. I need to talk to you, Dad. I’m sorry. I am. I don’t know where I thought I was going, like some little snotty-nosed kid running away. But you can’t blame me. I don’t want to see you like this. I don’t want to be your nurse. I don’t want to put you deeper and deeper into sleep until you stop breathing, so I left. I guess I trudged along about a half a mile, fists jammed in my pockets, shoulders up around my ears. Every step I pushed you, this house, and Wittenberg Road behind me, hea.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    40-50
    YEARS OLD
    DARLENE: WOW!! Wait…uh...Don't you think we are moving a little too fast? I mean, I usually don't move this fast on a first date, especially with someone I just met online. Listen St..Sttteee..Steven? Steven, you’re like what? Twenty-five? And I'm at least twen...uh...TEN, ten years older then you. It's not that I'm not attracted to you, of course. I am. look at you. I love the way that shirt brings out the blue in your eyes and the way it fits so n.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    Terrorist: A person who terrorizes or frightens others. Let me be the first to admit: Children are terrorists. The sky is blue, our bodies need water, and children are masters of terrorism. I understand children are overwhelmingly adorable. They say cute things in cute voices while wearing cute outfits, but looks can be deceiving! Their primary objective is to break you down to the point of slight insanity. First of all, labor in itself is exactly like the battle between Bane and Batman in The Dark Knig.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    28-50
    YEARS OLD
    Mark! (pause, then lose mind) Hit me over the head. Take Joey’s bat and put me out of my misery! Wait…I’ll turn around. Just do it quick. I wish I was kidding. If I have to have the same discussion, ask for the same things one more time, I’m either going to need Haldol and a tight little white jacket or I swear, I’ll run naked through the neighborhood spraying canned-cheese and screaming, “Let’s go streak through the cul-de-sac! Come .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    I work full time at a hospital, I make $9.00 an hour and I’m one paycheck away from being homeless. After I pay all my bills, I’ve got $30.00 a month left over to buy food. I’ve thought about calling Child Services to come and take my daughter because she doesn’t deserve to live this way but she wouldn’t let me. I’m such a failure. I can’t even afford to take a day off of work to look for a better paying job because my present boss will think I’m not reliable and I can’t afford to lose the job I have. I lost my last one. I broke my wrist and I had no health care. I still have no health care. I make too much to qualify for assistance, so I accrued all these medical bills. I lost my job because I couldn’t work and I didn’t qualify for Worker’s Comp. Within two months.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-45
    YEARS OLD
    You sent me a text on July 2nd and I saved it, preserved it like some rare artifact or precious gemstone. It seemed like a sign at the time. Of course, when you’re hopelessly in love, you read things into the tiniest moments and your rose colored glasses cleverly filter out any unwanted red flags. Must be a color spectrum thing. You probably don’t even remember what you wrote, much less that you wrote it at all and I know you don’t realize the significance of the date because you never took time to ask. Come to think of it, you haven’t asked much about me at all, like when’s my birthday, what kind of ice cream do I prefer, do I .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-45
    YEARS OLD
    When no one else is in the car with me I listen to the sixties station. The voices seem pure, and there’s that crackling under the track that makes you think of a needle on vinyl and right then, only then, I miss my grandfather. Everyone knows he was a bad guy, I mean, Jesus, my dad changed our last name and everything. But I have this picture in my head, it’s—it seems stupid, I know, but it feels like something. We’re under the staircase in my childhood house, I’m about five, and we’re dancing. I’m standing on his feet, my hands are around his waist and my ear is pressed against his belly. .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    Okay. So. When I sleep with Dennis at night, he makes this absolutely horrendously inexplicably God-awful snoring sound. Only it's, like, worse than snoring. It's like. It's like: (She imitates the sound.) And I recently I started having... nightmares. Vivid, detailed nightmares. And I sometimes wonder, “Am I going to do in life what I'm doing in these nightmares?” They always start with Dennis coming home from work. He asks me what's for dinner and I want to say, "Wh.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    I was journaling today about crumbs and selling myself short. I got into all the usual “poor me” stuff. You know how you do? Well, maybe you don’t, but I sure do. I was trying to figure out where I went wrong when, all of a sudden, I had this childhood memory that I’d totally forgotten about. It was about my father. He was a real bastard when we were growing up. He’s sober now; so’s my Mom. But then? Whoa. He used to clock me in the head when I said something he didn’t like. I mean so hard it made my head spin. I told my mom and she didn’t believe me, said I was making it up. Well, that made it worse. Now I was ostracized by both of them. I was determined to .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    30-45
    YEARS OLD
    MRS. BURNS looking disheveled: I know I look like shit..I don't care. My day started out okay. I left my house early, I caught the train right away, I got out and ordered a large coffee and my favorite a bagel with cream cheese, lox and onion and I was on my way to see you people. I finish my bagel and I reach into my pocket and realize I am out of Altoids. I have coffee, lox and onion breath. I can't be out of Altoids. And no other mint will do. Altoids: t.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    Damn teenagers baring children. Why some people bother I’ll never know. They come in here full. Proud of their bellys. Carrying suitcases for their brief stay. Holding onto their husband’s hand. Sweating and nervous. You don’t need a stethoscope to hear their hearts beating away with every second. I’ve seen so many come and go through here, like there was a sale in a department store, and they had to beat the crowd to get their first. Young and irresponsible. Can’t wait to grow up. Getting married. Hopping into bed. In such a rush it’s pathetic. Barely able to take care of themselves. It amazes me, how they expect to take care of an infant with all the.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    35-60
    YEARS OLD
    BETTY: (Looking stage left. Yelling at RICKY.) Ricky, please do not stand on the furniture. It is very expensive, I’m sure. Get your fingers out of your mouth! (To DOCTOR.) My apologies. I just can’t control him. Ricky was such a sensible man…when I married him. It was after the ten years of marriage that he began to act… insane. Yes, I have examples. I have a ton of examples. You think I would come here, and say my husband is crazy without examples…? (To .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    50-75
    YEARS OLD
    I don't have any pictures from when I was young and in the theater. When I was almost thirty and thought, "Oh, enough of the arts. Let me get a job that actually pays," I found a job...And the woman in charge was such an aggressive bitch - excuse my language - and companies would work with her for about three months and then say for.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    Dear heavenly Father, I'd like to pray for forgiveness on behalf of that floozy that has disrupted and disrespected this heavenly place, (BEAT) by failing to wear pantyhose with that blasphemous short skirt. I know you have room in your heart for all heathens and sinners, but really, HER? Are you out of lightning bolts or something? I know for a fact that she has .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    “Hello.” (In different voice) “Hello.” (In different voice) “Hello.” (In normal voice) Oh my god, Debra, just say hello like a normal person. “HELLO.” There we go! “Hello, I'm Debra. How are you? HOW are you? How are YOU? I am very, very, very good, thank you. I am so excited for this interview. So excited I feel I could urinate all over the place-- just pee everywhere because I'm so excited.” No, that's dumb. Just be a normal human being, Debra. “W.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    My cousin died today. She was 44 years old. 44. I don’t know…as I say it, it sounds older than it is. When I was a kid, I thought 40 was ancient. Well, I’m not a kid anymore and believe me, it goes by in a heartbeat. We grew up together; laughed and ran on the beach with her dogs, first Samson, then Moxie. She was a city girl and didn’t like getting her feet scratched on the rocks, so she always wore sneakers or sandals, even in the water. I remember thinking it was weird. How is it possible that she was so alive and full of energy then and now in a blink, she’s gone? Will anyone r.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    Thanks, Molly. Some single moms should’ve kept their knees together, right? Don’t interrupt. I’ve tolerated your unsolicited advice, the staring, eye rolling, and you parenting my kids in front of me. I notice the assumptions that I’m irresponsible, disorganized, and even undesirable. You spew stories about your sister, Meg, whose house is never messy, who’s never late, and who is always put-together like she stepped off a Good Housekeeping-had-a baby-with-Vogue magazine. Meg-the-“single-mom” is engaged to an actual h.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    30-50
    YEARS OLD
    My cousin died today. She was 44 years old. 44. I don’t know…as I say it, it sounds older than it is. When I was a kid, I thought 40 was old. Well, I’m not a kid anymore and believe me, it goes by in a heartbeat. We grew up together; laughed and ran on the beach with her dogs, first Samson, then Moxie. They were beautiful Labradors. She was a city girl and didn’t like getting her feet scratched on the rocks, so she always wore sneakers or sandals, even in the water. I remember thinking it was weird. How is it possible that she was so alive and full of energy then and now in a blink, she’s gone? Will anyone remember her? Did her struggles in life really matter? I hear she’s being cremated. So her body won’t even be left behind. It’s so strange. Surreal. Whe.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    I don’t know…I just had a funny feeling. It’s hard to explain…you experience it sort of. I’ve always had odd feelings tell me things. It’s the schizophrenia. I’ll go into this place in my mind, where you experience this special feeling…everything is deep purple…almost black…and I feel so high I think I’ll faint........
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    30-50
    YEARS OLD
    KERRI: I have often thought about having a sex change. Not for me, but for my husband. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a lesbian. And, I love Dick. ‘Dick’ is my husband. I love Dick, but that thing between his legs just drives him to do horrible stuff. At night instead of watching television with me, he pretends to be working on the computer in the next room, but I know he watches Internet .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    28-45
    YEARS OLD
    JUNE: Doc, I think I've figured out what is going on with me. I am a gay guy trapped inside a straight woman's body. Now, hear me out, hear me out. When I go shopping for eye make up, I don't think, "I'll get pastels." I think, "I want something fierce." (Pause) Okay, every time I take a shower I sing a different Judy Garland song. I know everybody loves Judy Garland but when I started to .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    35-55
    YEARS OLD
    I don’t want to be stuck, crusty, hard-hearted or angry. (to self) Am I bitter? I’m bitter. I am. I am. NO! Help, God! I am a bitter, almost-middle-aged woman who is barely lady-like because I’ve gotten tough. Hard, and not in the take-on-the-world good way. Uuuh. But I want to be one of those sweet people who well up with tears when someone tells me something beautiful or sad. I want to believe people when they take vows before God in stunning dresses, perfectly gelled h.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    30-45
    YEARS OLD
    I was cooking dinner on the stove when I heard him walk in. I didn't turn to look at him. I wasn't sure if it was going to be a good night or a bad one. The next thing I knew, he was pressed up against my back, the smell of whiskey strong on his breath. He says, "Spaghetti again?" and knocks the pot off.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    SAM: (soaked from head to toe) They really should have directions in the bathroom on how to work the bidet. How was I supposed to know you should not look directly at the bidet when turning it on? It shot up like a geyser! I almost drowned, Marci. (MARCI IS CONFUSED. TRYING TO EXPLAIN.) The bidet! The thing by the toilet in the bathroom! No, it’s not a toilet. I know it looks like a toilet, but it’s not. It’s for cleaning yourself after you use the bathroom. It’s called a bidet and it shoots a very dang.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    21-45
    YEARS OLD
    Are we done, Joe? Cuz it feels like we’re done. I’m in your bed and I’m pretty sure I’m in your heart, but I’m definitely NOT in your life. You said Monday. Remember? That was after you said Friday. And you were good enough to actually call Friday and tell me it wasn’t going to work and I was fine with that. Really. Because I had Monday to look forward to. I was even lobbying for Sunday and you said maybe, which was hopeful, but then I get a text that Sunday was definitely no good and I don’t even hear from you on Monday. You don’t answer your text or your phone. You just ignore the date and the fact that I exist at all. Somehow you can sext me ad infinitum when there’s no danger of actually seeing me, b.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-70
    YEARS OLD
    What do you think of the Rorschach test? Now they’re saying it’s based on a Swiss Parlor game. Years ago they said it was based on clouds. A man looked up at the sky and saw clouds move and got this idea. These young people are constantly trying to re-create history. History is a mystery. Leave it alone. Why not create something uplifting? I illustrated five of the Pippi Longstocking books and was Art Director for McCalls all before I was thirty and this was in the fifties. I’m in Who’s Who. Of course this made me very anxious. My mother a.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    35-50
    YEARS OLD
    Just a minute, young man, come over here. Do you know what I found in the back seat of my car? Hmm? (holds up a tiny piece of something)…I know it’s a piece of foil wrapping. Don’t be a smart ass…It wasn’t too small for me to figure it out, and I know that you’ve seen it before…That’s right, it’s a piece of a condom wrapper. I thought I’d clean up my car today…Don’t interrupt. If you HAD cleaned it well, I wouldn’t have found this, would I? Now, I’m actuall.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    25-50
    YEARS OLD
    As the lights come up, we see a woman trying on a ring in a jewelry store and talking to the clerk. Oh, it’s absolutely stunning! I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Now, you say it’s a one-of-a-kind? George won’t let me buy anything that’s mass produced. He has a thing that way. So, how many karats are the diamonds? Lovely. Inspecting the ring. Oh yes, yes. I see exactly what you mean. I’ll probably pay cash for it. Of course, I can’t buy it today. I want George to see it first and he has a big meeting this afternoon. Too bad. I would have liked to wear it to dinner tonight. It’s our anniversary. Begins to remove the ring, but can’t get it off her finger. Oh, dear. It appears to be stuck. My hands always swell in the summer. I’m sure I can get it off. It’s no problem. She tries licking her knuckle. It still won’t budge. Smiling weakly. Maybe I should get it after all. Do you accept Visa? I’m sure George will approve. She pales .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    I’m so tired of this, Harry! You (quote fingers) “can’t believe I didn’t get you off?” REALLY? Well, let’s see. Maybe I wasn’t all that into sucking your toes. I mean, seriously, if you’re going to ask for that get a pedicure…at least. And I’m not thrilled with being asked ten times, every time we’re naked, if I’m impressed with “Thor the War Hammer,” especially given that Thor so rarely goes to battle. I mean, the sexual obstacle course I have to endure in the sl.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    30-50
    YEARS OLD
    WANDA: Sally! Stop eating the bread like that! It’s frightening how you eat food. Like a dog over his bowl. Anyhow, so I’m in the bathroom and this older lady bumps into me. I say: “Excuse You” with a little attitude- she’s for-sure from New York because she didn’t even notice. So then I sit there, minding my own business, reading on the stall wall how if I want a good time I can ca.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-45
    YEARS OLD
    For fuck’s sake, Carson, so sorry I’m late. So many Starbucks and Juan, my building super, was pissed because I threw my empty 2% milk carton in the trash. Apparently, empty 2% milk cartons are not trash; they are recyclables. Well, I say, “Good for Juan!” Thank you, Juan, for educating my dumb ass. (Checking her iPhone as she speaks) Why can’t I see this screen? (Takes off shades and speaks into iPhone) Siri, text Juan: “I’m sorry.” Siri? For fuck’s sake, Siri is almost dead. Wher.......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    28-45
    YEARS OLD
    Yes, YES! I do. Okay? I want to surrender. I get it. I’m always moving and it’s just… I’ve never, I never… um… (Trying not to cry) It was just me. So, I had to protect me, and now I have to protect him. He’s just a baby and I’m broke. I pay the lawyer and my student loans, barely. I work and pump. I nurse and sleep, nurse and eat, and nurse and pee. (Crying) I clean our tiny apartment, grocery shop, change diapers and wonder why, if I’m this busy, haven’t I lost my baby tummy y.......
    Price $3.99