• MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    30-55
    YEARS OLD
    You, sir, are a coward. A full fledged 100% certifiable, undeniable coward. You are a coward and a cad and I will not bestow upon you the satisfaction of rebuking your absurd accusations, nor stoop to the level of a lowly commoner such as yourself. You haven’t even the strength of character to declare your indictments to my face. You slink around in dark corners insulting my honor and integrity, as.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-55
    YEARS OLD
    GROPE JACKSON: Folks, I’m selling out cheap! All my T-shirts are one dollar! Socks, three pair for a dollar! (beat) Folks, I gotta get rid of this crap stuff. Champion T’s a dollar! Nike T’s a dollar! Champion zipper hoodies a dollar! (beat) Folks, it’s a liquidation! The government caught me. In New York City I was caught. By Donald Trump and his henchmen. They brought me in a van to New Jersey. They dumped me in New Jersey. They said they’re building a wall around New Jersey. But they’re gonn.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    Another day on the job full of stress and I come home to this: “Roberto, clean the gutters! Roberto, fix the lamp. Roberto, let’s make love.” Dammit, woman! I've already had a long day. So, she says, “Roberto, long day, huh? And what exactly do you do all day?” No appreciation; no gratitude. What do I do all day, woman? What do y.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-65
    YEARS OLD
    Greetings neighbor! That's a very nice fence you've erected between our properties. You certainly didn’t skimp on the materials. Only the finest of everything. That fence was built to last. Yes, it will keep our livestock separated very nicely, indeed. And you erected it so quickly - all in the short time my wife and I were up country visiting her dear, sick sister. Normally, we wouldn't be away a whole week but family comes first. I'm sure you know about that. You've spent your whole life toiling in the fields, as have I. All to make a better li.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    50-70
    YEARS OLD
    (moving a chair) Jesus, the last damn thing I want said about me is, “They got to the Col,” or, “He chickened out. Broke down and talked.” Some private or corporal hear that and say, “If he can’t take it, how the hell am I supposed to?” I won’t talk. (pause) There’s enough broken glass in this cell to slash my wrists. There’s been enough shit littering my days and nights in Iran to tempt Jesus. (standing on the chair) Hey Buddy, you knew you were gonna walk up that Mount, gonna have a few nails pounded into ya. That’s same as takin’ your own life. You made a choice. I seem to have a few options here. Slit my wrists, swallow some glass, bash my brains out on the wall. I think I prefer the old Spani.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-70
    YEARS OLD
    (Lights on a man. He wears a baseball cap. He takes off his baseball cap and holds it out to the audience.) This is what it’s come to…underground…hat in hand…Saturday afternoons crowd rushing up and down…to catch the “A”…to catch the “E”…the “C” or “L”…on their way to some God awful Hell…banish the thought…I wish no one ill will…standing still….at the top of the stairs…hat in hand…hat always in hand… …bent slightly…ever so…a twinkle in my eye…trace of a smile…the sound of coins land in my hat…there is hope… accumula.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-70
    YEARS OLD
    Did I ever tell you about Jeannie? We had a...I don’t know what...but we had it. She threatened to tell Dita. Every time the phone rang...every ring...the sound...Oh God...the sound cut through me like an unclean knife. What if it was Jeannie? What if it was her? And Dita answered the phone. What then? What would happen then? When their two voices met. (Mimics Dita’s Austrian accent) “Hello?” (Mimics Jeannie - nasal Jersey girl) “Is this Dita?” (Dita)
“Yes. To whom am I speaking?” (Jeannie) “Uh...is Ken around?” (Dita) “Who is this?” (Jeannie) “Jeannie.” (Dita) “And you want Ken?” (Jeannie) “I do.” (Dita) “My Ken?” (Jeannie - seductive) “I want him.” (Dita)
“Is t.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-65
    YEARS OLD
    Homeless Man: You know, I am a man of words myself. Like to play around with them. See some music in my head and say some words. And it ain't no churnin' dreams school boy shit neither. But hey! You wrote that BS! If it came from your soul, then you have to own it! Ya dig? And if it ain't, well, you shouldn't let no low level bullshit come out your mouth when a man asks you for poetry. I wanna hear something deep. As for me - I jump into snake pits! Drink their blood. Eat that snake and s.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    I want that woman arrested! Listen, sir…Oh, okay, listen, Mr. Rico? I have never in all my life been shot on the job. I’ve dealt with everything: hurricane weather, aggressive canines, hell, even the occasional horny housewife’s attempts at seduction. But I never had to deal with such stupidity.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC/
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    I’m on the corner of ninth and fifth…twenty fifth avenue…in the Village…where I live with Donna…when I see Donna and this guy I don’t know or want to know, walking down the street…and there’s this vibe between them. You know…So they stop and Donna introduces me…I say hi…and then she goes on to say how she was sitting in Washington Square Park and so-and-so invited her to go sailing on his boat,.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    Congregation, we are gathered here today to hear a word this morning. I just want to tell you there is a God somewhere. Before I bless this here congregation with a little (singing) Amazing Grace, (Beat) Sister Jenkins, I think it’s about that time. Time for my favorite part of the sermon: It’s collection time! Now congregation, the Lord knows when he’s being short changed, so don’t be throwing no change in my c.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    DRAMATIC

    40-60
    YEARS OLD
    KIRKLAND: Colleen needs to talk with you, Nora. If you stay we could go up to my house tomorrow. I want her to see how light and airy it is up on the hill. I’ve got to get her out of her father’s house. There’s nothing but bad dreams there and she keeps sleeping. If you stay the night... Look, (beat) tomorrow I’ll pack us a picnic lunch. Salmon and cucumber sandwiches, a bottle of Chablis, some hard-boiled eggs, we’ll roll them in salt, eat, walk the property, all 60 acres. It will do you.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    35-70
    YEARS OLD
    As if this day couldn’t get any worse. Flight delays in Chicago, lost luggage – and then I come home to this. (holds up paper, reads) “Hi Honey, I guess you’re home now, and you seen – (wincing) and you seen that I’m not here. I’m sorry Baby, but I had to go, and I can’t come back. We had some good times, but there - t-h-e-r-e - there over. Roger and I have fallen in love, and I just can’t help myself. Good-bye. Love, Meagan. … “The last four years of my life, g.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-70
    YEARS OLD
    There’s a card in my wallet you should know about. On the card are specific instructions and a number to call. Call that number and SUNY will come for me. It’s all been pre-arranged. Just call the number and when SUNY asks what is this in reference to…say …this is most important… SHMUCK NUMBER ONE…SHMUCK NUMBER ONE is my password. I am SHMUCK NUMBER ONE. Me. Ken Schwartz. That’s my M.O. All my life it’s been. Like the time I bowled with the inventor of Sweet & Low and asked him for a job. He said, “Ken, what can you do for me?” (beat) “I don’t know,” I said. I felt like such .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    30-60
    YEARS OLD
    DARYL: Ah, my dearest Margaret… sweet, dearest, Margaret…When I was a child, my mother, who was a beautiful, wealthy, totally insane woman…She used to dress me up in a tiny little black suit, and take me to funerals. (Drinks.) She said I needed to learn about death while I was young. That way, it would hurt less when I got older. I soon came to realize that she wa.......
    Price $3.99