• MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    20-60
    YEARS OLD
    I was staring into my coffee-cup. The steam hypnotizes me and I begin ruminating over us – disagreements, missed opportunities, sex that's always missing something, you pulling away first when we hug - or screw, for that matter. Feeling unheard, misunderstood, missing each other in the air so often that we eat and breathe quiet frustration and contempt. I realized I’ve been here repeatedly, trying to construct a new path for us, a way to start over, get that spark back or make it work. But we can’t make more tha.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    Any moment with you. Before you asked me, "If I had to relive one moment over and over again for eternity, what would it be?" I'd pick any moment with you. Any one. I don't care if I'm crying or you're breaking my heart… I could live in a moment for a th.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    Do I look like someone you could talk to? Do I give off a “best friend” aura or some other welcoming energy that reads, “Please tell me all your problems, each one of your wildest dreams, beginning with childhood...”? Do you get that from me? Do you feel safe letting me into your life? To your story from beginning to end? What, specifically about me, who for the record, is a.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    Raise your hand if you can hear me, raise your hand if you can hear me, raise your hand-- GUYS, JUST SHUT UP. Because I want to tell you something right now from the bottom of my heart. I have taught theater in community colleges for three years now. And is this class right here the best class I’ve ever taught? No, not even close. Are you the worst? Pretty much, yes. Do I believe in you? Not yet. So, if you forget your lines tonight or you .......
    Price $3.99


  • FEMALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    16-55
    YEARS OLD
    Did you know it’s illegal in the state of Alabama to charge money where dancing bears are wearing a dress? Which begs the question: Who comes up with this stuff??! And the bigger question: Why? Did someone once offend a female dancing bear? Maybe they didn’t tip her enough and her husband got PO’ed. Or perhaps they over tipped her and he got really ticked. Or maybe she was just coyote ugly and the whole place started to riot. Maybe her parents.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    Dear Mom & Dad, I’m not in Jersey City anymore. I’ve been sitting in front of the computer trying to think of colorful things to write about this colorful city I am living in now and all the colorful people I am living with so bare with me a while as I try to put together something articulate for Dad and you to chew on. The last thing I want you to do is worry about me. In order for that to be the case I have to be careful what I say and how I say it which means the risk of me not saying much at all is a distinct possibility as you both know. .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    16-23
    YEARS OLD
    August 24th. The day I got my driver’s permit. I was 15 and ready to show everyone how cool I was, even with my Mom riding shotgun. I walked out of the DMV staring down at the piece of plastic in my hands. “Can we go back and retake my picture?” “That depends, do you want to drive now or later?” Mom replies. I make a beeline for the driver’s side and my Mom does just about the coolest thing ever. She tosses me the keys over the car. I completely fumble, but make a quick recovery. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. The engine roars to life and I hit the gas. 24.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-55
    YEARS OLD
    Eight thousand four hundred. NO!!! Eight thousand and eighty. (beat) EIGHTY!!! You said four hundred. I’m saying eighty because eighty is what...You don’t have four…You have eighty. Eighty is yours. I know you wanted eight thousand four hundred but you don’t have eight thousand four hundred. Eight thousand and eighty is all that’s left in the account. The four hundred is gone. Forget the four hundred. Eight thousand four hundred just isn’t real. Eight thousand four hundred is an illusion. I understand. Y.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COM./DRAM.
    2min
    20-70
    YEARS OLD
    I know I’m fat. “Chubby,” say the fake and timid. I’m not thin, athletic or fluffy-but-really-cuddly-with-a-stunning-face and magnetic eyes. I’m not magazine-cover-HOT, even when I’m almost thin. I have a problem, an obvious, socially and legally acceptable addiction, one that my brain associates with survival because I HAVE to eat. I’ve been eating too much for so long that my dopamine, serotonin and endorphin levels DEPEND upon me over-indulging. My brain DEMANDS that I eat more, even when I’m trying to abstain. My appearance makes people uncomfortable, incl.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-65
    YEARS OLD
    So, when I got fired 3 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours and 47 seconds ago, I was pretty messed up. Below rock bottom. And as I was replaying my termination over in my head, I thought, “This story sucks. It's so pathetic. It has no vroom.” I mean, fire me like a badass because if you're not going to do it with some damn compassion, then Ja.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    25-55
    YEARS OLD
    Did you know that Friendly’s offers “Delicious Beginnings and Happy Endings”? Their unfortunate slogan is written right on the back of their menu by the desserts. By the time I got to “warm gooey super melts” I had to stop reading because I was blushing so much. Hasn’t their marketing department ever heard of a Chinese message parlor? Apparently they’re a family restaurant with a very adult menu. Dare I ask what you can order on the side?! Yikes! O.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    21-55
    YEARS OLD
    Did you know that in Alamosa, CO it is illegal to throw grenades at passing cars? Yup, it’s an actual law. I’m not sure if the same holds true for throwing them at people, but where cars are concerned, the fine lawmakers of Alamosa have spoken. I think I may pack up my family and move there! I’d feel better knowing my Ford Escalade is in safe hands. Or do you think an Escalade rates as a truck and is.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    30-50
    YEARS OLD
    I hate holidays. Everyone at this time of year is gearing up for family gatherings and Mom’s homemade cookies, while I’m trying to find ways to get out of it all. “I twisted my ankle walking down the stairs, so I can’t walk anywhere; Doctor’s orders,” or “I must have eaten something really weird last night. I can’t keep anything down.” Don’t get me.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COM./DRAM.
    1.5min
    18-25
    YEARS OLD
    Think of everything we did this year. Think of how much fun we had. Think of moving in. And how awkward it was. And unpacking our stuff. And not knowing what to do the first night. Think of the hypnotist show. That dumb hypnotist show where nobody was really hypnotized but we all pretended to be hypnotized because we’re freshman in college.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    30-70
    YEARS OLD
    I got some news for our Father who art in heaven. He left this world in awful shape. Yes he did. I see how people treat each other. They're scared o’ one another. That's not good. If I fall and splat blood all over the place, not one human being is gonna pick me up. Well, maybe one. Yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    21-55
    YEARS OLD
    Your honor, I don't understand why I'm here. I've done nothing wrong. I'm talking about the fact that I’m sitting here watching my life slip away in some weird outer body experience. Give me the death penalty instead. I would rather die than sit here next to these defective humans. Kevin spreads grass on his lunch because he believes it's m.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    (Lee in a chair with a notebook and pen having just deliberately run into someone) Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to run into you with my wheelchair! I’m sorry. Sorry. Having a bad leg day. I apologize. Fell out of the wrong side of the bed. Right on top of my colostomy bag. Shit went everywhere. All up the walls and over the duvet. I think the bag’s blocked. Could you have a look for me? Maybe you could unblock it!? No? Then so long, good riddance, may you live in exciting times! (Watching person go and then writes in notebook): Male. Tall. Blonde hair. Thirty-ish. Eight Points. (Looking up) Next! (Turns to audience) Oh, sorry, haven’t introduced myself. I’m Lee. Cripple Lee. As you can see, I’m vertically challenged. (Looking from side to side) Here come.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    17-25
    YEARS OLD
    They say, "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be." But what if you love something so much that you don’t want it to come back? Because if it comes back, it’ll feel so much worse. I knew that if he couldn’t be everything I wanted him .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    25-50
    YEARS OLD
    (To self) Shall I paint, take a shower, thumb wrestle myself...? Maybe I should scoop the rotting dog turds from the yard. It would just seem so much more satisfying if I actually owned a dog. Gotta love those neighbors for deciding that leashes are a form of animal abuse. I could get a dog in retaliation. I’m too boring to even be a sad Lifetime movie. Gotta add more “Jerry Springer is a contestant on Maury Povich” to my life first. I could send another resume for a job described as fascinating and rewarding, but is really just another underpaid.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-30
    YEARS OLD
    It’s so still on the prairies. Eerie. Like God didn’t want humans trespassing on his domain so he designed the prairies as a gigantic “Do Not Disturb” sign. People who were born here say there’s nothing like that big prairie sky. Me, I just see bleak, barren desolation. Like I’m at the end of the earth and no one will ever know I’ve just faded into the landscape. It’s not so hard to do. I can see for miles, but there’s nothing to see. Driving down the highway is hypnotic in its austerity. My eyes play tricks on me. I keep hoping to find civil.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COM./DRAM.
    1.5min
    20-30
    YEARS OLD
    Mikey. You are such a good man. And I love our little adventures and I love when you got stuck on the zipline and I laughed so hard that the pain in my stomach was overbearing and I love seeing you when I get home from work and I love eating all the random shit you cook and I love hearing you pronounce the name of the shit you cook. And is it a party every day, bein.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.25min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    It's not a big deal, you asking to hold the remote. Why would you say that? I mean, I can let go. I don't need to be in control. I am totally and completely the master of letting go, totally and completely relaxed -- wait! Stop, you fast-forwarded too far. That's not a commercial; that's the show. But it's okay. Just hit the little button with the circle arrow on it -- yeah, e.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    15-40
    YEARS OLD
    Excuse me? Excuse me. Excuse me. There seems to be some confusion here. I ordered plain. Yes. No, it’s not. No, it’s not. No, it’s not. I saw them put cheese on it. I don’t have to open it. I saw. Can you just please have them make me a plain one? Thank-you. No, not that one. I don’t want a pre-made one. It’ll have pickles on it. The last time I got pickles, and I hate pickles. They infect the taste. You can’t even cover it with ketchup. Have them make a fresh one. Well, please ask t.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    16-40
    YEARS OLD
    So anyway, he was like, “Come on! Lets go home!” And I was like, “I don’t wanna go home! I’m having a super duper, great and fun time! All my friends are here and it’s a nice day and there’s so many things to do and see and smell!” And he was like, “Fine! 15 more minutes,” and I was like, “YES!! 15 more minutes!! Whoo hoo!!” So anyway, that’s why I’m still here. Hi, I’m Parker (Or Dotty), by the way! I probably should have introduced myself before I told you that whole story, but whatever. Poop happens! Haha. Hey, speaking of poop, I saw you take.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-30
    YEARS OLD
    Someone save me from my postgraduate HELL!!! I am two seconds away from murdering my unforgiving pimp, also known as Sallie Mae! I'm convinced she has no soul. Can I live, Sallie?! Can I enjoy my post graduate existence without the daily reminders that the astronomical debt that I know I signed my life away to pay will be due in 6 short months? Trust me, I haven’t forgotten, so please STOP sending me bills, that aren't really bills. S.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    30-55
    YEARS OLD
    Can I borrow that pen? I mean, I'm sorry, I usually always have a pen -- big believer in pens, love pens. Some people, they like their phones and iPads and whatnot, but me, I like a good ol' pen. And some paper, of course. Don't work too well without that, the pen. But I was leaving the house in a hurry because I got this lett.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    20-50
    YEARS OLD
    So, I saw this post on Instagram that said, "If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die." That is, of course, unless you have a bad breakup. Then you will certainly die a most horrible death. Guaranteed. It will probably begin with some antagonizing alliteration where alligators delightfully devour your semi lifeless limbs like a delicious appetizer. Or they could strip you and expose your naked truth and proceed to rape your soul, figuratively speaking, of course. They could delve into the details o.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    30-50
    YEARS OLD
    I remember him like it was yesterday, sitting there on that bus. I had to admire his spunk. He knew he was the laughing stock of the group, but he just stared out the window and pretended he didn’t notice. He must have been lonely. I don’t ever remember him having a friend. “Rodney-the-Toad.” I first came across Rodney when he was in tenth grade. He was smaller than the other students and quite stout. He wore thick glasses to correct his poor vision and he was quite unkempt. An avid reader, on his lunch break he liked to sit cross-legged on the floor engrossed in the weirdest, most obscure SciFi he could get his hands on. He did give the impression of being toad like. Thus, the nickname. He spoke with a pronounced lisp, but always with great authority and animation. Yep – Rodney was a walking target for humiliation. It didn’t seem to bo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    2min
    18-50
    YEARS OLD
    I killed my mother today. Psych! I didn’t kill her. I just imagined it in detail. Do you think that makes me unbalanced? Oh, come on, like you’ve never thought about it. Everyone wants to strangle their mom at least once in a lifetime, right? I mean it’s not like I did it or anything. But if I had, I would have lured her into the basement. The only problem with that plan is she has a bad hip and the stairs bother her, but I’d get her down there somehow because that’s where she’d be least likely to be hea.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC

    15-25
    YEARS OLD
    I love signs! People write the craziest stuff on them. Sometimes they write funny things on purpose. You know, clever. Like the hair salon named “Curl up and Dye” or the sign on the funeral home that says, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.” And sometimes there are signs that can be fun depending upon the way you interpret them. One of my personal faves is “Slow Children Crossing.” You usually see it in school zones or in the burbs. Now, what I wanna know is where.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    18-60
    YEARS OLD
    Officer! Oh… you’re investigating a homicide. Well, how can I help? Sure, you can ask me any questions you want. I’m the perfect example of an upstanding citizen, sir. Whatever you need. (Beat) Where was I the night in question? Umm, I can’t tell you that. (beat) Do I have an alibi? Uhh, I can’t tell yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1.5min
    15-35
    YEARS OLD
    I am so sorry I’m late. Okay, yes, I know, I am very late. But I have a good reason. I was almost here, when I had to turn around, go back home and change my clothes. I was a mess - covered in mud from head to toe - no kidding - completely covered! Obviously, I couldn’t meet you looking like that. You should have seen me. It was so embarrassing. I stopped and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. Well, you don’t want to look like an idiot, do yo.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    16-21
    YEARS OLD
    Did you hear that? I love the sound of the train whistle late at night. Makes me think of all those old movies with stowaway kids and vagabonds. All that adventure! Wouldn’t it be nice to just hop on a train and not know where you were headed? Fall asleep and wake up in some midwestern town ready to explore? I know, I’ve watched too much Disney Channel…but wouldn’t it be cool if you could leave everything behind and just start over? No worries about anything. Jus.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC

    18-40
    YEARS OLD
    That wind is loud tonight! It always makes me anxious. I keep waiting for the windows to shatter and the roof to tear off the house. I know I’m too old to hide under the covers in my bed, but secretly I do sometimes. Don’t tell anyone. I’d be the laughing stock around here. Like the bed sheets could keep me safe anyway. I’d run to the cellar, but everyone would think I’m nuts. And I guess I am in a way or I wouldn’t be so jumpy. It’s not that kind of storm. Logicall.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    1min
    20-35
    YEARS OLD
    I like being vulnerable. I know most people are scared of it, but I actually enjoy it. I enjoy being open. The possibility of being hurt doesn’t frighten me. The risk actually excites me in a way when I think about it. It’s a rush. To entrust someone with your heart. Don’t get me wrong, my heart.......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    COMEDIC
    1min
    20-40
    YEARS OLD
    Hey, hey, hey...Can you get any further into the crosswalk?! Hello, the crosswalk is for pedestrians...I am a pedestrian...You belong out there in the street, you stupid asshole. I stand over there on the sidewalk, also where pedestrians belong and I wait for the little white .......
    Price $3.99


  • MALE/
    FEMALE
    DRAMATIC
    2min
    30-55
    YEARS OLD
    Listen, I busted my ass to bust your sorry ass, and I’m going to get answers. I don’t care if it’s “inconvenient,” Mr. Leland. A woman is dead, so you can wipe that cheesy smirk off your face. Do you think it was “inconvenient” for her sister to come down to the morgue to ID the body? You have obstructed this investigation at every turn and I will hold you in this interrogation room until you rot if I have to. We have an eyew.......
    Price $3.99